


Love and politics

by FanofCate



Category: Carol (2015), The Price of Salt - Patricia Highsmith
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-02
Updated: 2018-08-09
Packaged: 2018-08-12 14:49:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 34
Words: 40,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7938682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FanofCate/pseuds/FanofCate
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Therese Belivet, a young and upcoming New York photographer is not keen to travel to Salt Lake City to follow ambitious politician Harge Aird. Until she meets his wife, the elegant and beautiful Carol Ross Aird.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

The Airds

Harge and Carol Aird had it all. A solid, high profile marriage, a beautiful daughter, two successful careers, money. They also had a secret, of which only a very small group of trusted friends and colleagues were aware. They were both gay. Their marriage was a well-executed masquerade, an agreement between friends who both needed to hide their true identity. As a politician, running for a seat in the Senate, Harge knew his chances not only depended on his political network, but also on his image as a devoted husband and father. Carol provided that image, while Harge’s fortune and network proved their worth for her blooming career as a corporate lawyer.

Their friendship and mutual trust were the solid ground on which their marriage was built. And they both wanted children. Their sexual relation had been brief, but long enough for Carol to get pregnant. Carol and Harge both adored their daughter Rindy, who was the spitting image of her mother. They did not resume their physical relation after her birth. Harge reverted to mostly anonymous sexual encounters in other cities, while Carol had some discreet and always superficial affairs with other married women.

Two years ago, after yet another short and in the end unsatisfactory affair, Carol decided to solely focus on her family and career. Although she still felt attracted to another woman sometimes, she never let it go beyond some mild flirting. She knew a profound need remained unfulfilled, but was not willing to let this get in the way of her ambitions and the life she had with Harge and Rindy. And there was always Abby. Abigail Gerhard, her childhood friend and former lover, who had remained the person closest to Carol. With Abby she could relax and be the person she wanted to be. She was her anchor in an otherwise hectic world.

Therese

It was not a request, but an order. Therese Belivet, a talented photographer on the brink of an artistic breakthrough but still working at the New York Times as a news photographer, knew that, seconds after she was summoned by Fred Wilson, the senior editor. Standing in front of his irritatingly clean desk, she tried not to show her frustration while he talked about his old college friend who had asked for his help.  
“I would have asked Dannie, but he has to go to his parents this weekend for their wedding anniversary. But I trust you will not mind going to Salt Lake City.”  
“Salt Lake City, no way …” Therese blurted out.  
Fred’s eyebrows shot up. He looked at her quizzically. She blushed.  
“I, I mean I would love to, but I have other plans.” She thought about Genevieve and the trip they had planned this weekend that would take them to some of the museums and art galleries in the city.  
“Well, they will have to wait. This has priority and I want you to go as soon as possible. Claire is already working on the arrangements.”  
Claire was his secretary, who resided in the office next to him.  
She remained standing, but gave up when he shifted his attention to his laptop.  
“You can go now.”

Still fuming she returned to her desk in the room she shared with three other photographers. Dannie McElroy smiled at his lean, dark haired colleague while she fell down in her chair, muttering.  
“Well, thank you Danny.” She knew it wasn’t fair to talk to him like this. His face fell.  
“What ?”  
“Fred wants me to go to Salt Lake City to make some pictures of an old friend of his.”  
“So ?”  
“He wants me to go because you can’t. Because of that stupid wedding.”  
Dannie started laughing.  
“I would love to go, but I’m afraid my parents will kill me if I don’t show up.”  
She made a face.  
“And besides, who wouldn’t want to go to lovely Utah for a small vacation…”  
“Not me !” She tried to smile, knowing that it was inevitable that she had to go.  
“Who is this friend anyway ?” Dannie became curious. Pushing his glasses back on his nose he turned to his laptop. His hands already on his keyboard, he started typing when she gave him the name.  
“Harge Aird. He is some politician from Utah who is running for the Senate. He wants a photographer to follow him and his wife for a week so people can see what a nice guy he really is, happy father and husband, lovely wife and kid, blablabla …”  
She moved her chair to sit next to him and looked at the screen. Harge Aird was a handsome man. Tall, muscular, neatly coiffed, slicked back black hair, fortyish. There were many pictures of him in several situations connected with his political work. He looked at ease while debating in the Utah Senate, shaking hands with admiring voters, standing next to former President George W. Bush, beaming.  
“Look at that woman !” Danny whistled. Therese punched his arm.  
“Sexist.” But she could not disagree with him. Together they looked at a photograph of Harge with a beautiful blond woman. She was as tall as him, lean and wearing a soft pink evening gown that complimented her pale, almost translucent skin. Her hair was up, drawing attention to her long, graceful neck. No jewellery, except her wedding ring. She smiled at Harge, a warm, loving smile. But it was her eyes that stood out most. Therese was mesmerized by their colour: the blue of a clear, mountain lake.  
“Who is she ?” Danny switched to the website of the newspaper that had published the photo.  
“Carol Ross Aird. His wife.”  
Therese felt a strange excitement grow in her stomach. Perhaps going to Utah wouldn’t be so bad. She stood up, patting Danny’s shoulder.  
“I’m going home. To pack.”


	2. Friday

Friday

  
“What on earth made you think I would be okay with this ?”

  
Carol Ross Aird was not amused and it showed. Liberating her feet from the black heels that had tortured her the entire afternoon, she immediately made her way to the low cupboard where she kept a bottle of rye for emergencies.

  
“I will not voluntarily let some photographer stalk me for an entire week just so you can charm your way into the Senate. It’s bad as it is with all those mosquitos buzzing around us ever since you announced you would run for a seat in Washington.”

  
With a sigh she took a sip of her drink, looking at her husband, who stood in front of her, his hands in the pockets of his tailor made, dark blue trousers. He had thrown his jacket on a chair, together with his tie. The upper buttons of his shirt were undone, showing his muscular chest.

  
“Carol, for God’s sake. It was Richard’s idea and I didn’t want to let him down again after I had vetoed most of his other ideas for the campaign,” Harge pleaded.

  
Carol shot him an angry look.

  
“I don’t understand why you still stick with that boy. He’s a nitwit with no talents whatsoever.”

  
Harge sighed. Richard Semco was the youngest son of David Semco, one of the chief donors of his campaign. Getting rid of him would be very unwise, if not political suicide. Surely Carol would understand that ? He took her glass and downed it in one gulp.

  
“I’m stuck with him, whether we like it or not. The photographer will arrive here tomorrow. I called Fred Wilson and he promised to send me one of his best people. I think it’s a good thing to have someone around who doesn’t know anything about us, coming from New York.”

  
He put his hand on his wife’s arm.

  
“Darling. It will only be for a week, you’ll live. And you can make all the arrangements with her, if you want.”

  
“Her ?” Carol sounded surprised.

  
“Yes. She’ll call you when she arrives at the airport tomorrow. Her name is Therese Belivet.”  
___________________

  
Therese shot awake from a restless sleep just when the plane started to descend. Looking out of the window she saw snow topped mountains under a clear blue sky. Born and raised in New York, she had never ventured this far West. Her arrival was set at 11.00 AM, local time, which meant she had left her apartment that morning at an ungodly early hour. Genevieve had offered to drive her to the airport, but she had taken a cab, wanting to let her sleep after what had been an unusually stressful evening.

  
Genevieve had been very disappointed when Therese had told her she had to cancel their trip at the very last minute. They had not been able to be together for an entire weekend for quite some time and Genevieve had obviously been looking forward to it. After Genevieve’s departure to MIT, where she worked as a lecturer at the Program in Women’s and Gender Studies, their relationship had changed. Up till then their life together had been a partnership without many obligations, defined by a lightness that left room for other friendships and even lovers. Genevieve had asked Therese to come with her to Cambridge, but she had declined, saying she was not ready to become a lecturer’s wife in the province. Genevieve had been hurt, but had accepted Therese’s decision, hoping that someday she would change her mind. But somehow the balance in their relationship had shifted, leaving Therese with the growing feeling that Genevieve wanted too much from her.

  
Leaning back in her chair, Therese now admitted to herself that she was actually relieved that she had had to go to Salt Lake City. When she arrived at her apartment after leaving the Times, Genevieve had already been there. She had not been understanding, reproaching her that she had not been able to persuade Fred to send someone else.

  
“Actually, I don’t even think you want me here.” Genevieve’s words betrayed the hurt hidden beneath her disappointment.

  
“That’s not true. Whatever makes you think that ?” Therese sounded indignant. “I have been looking forward to this as much as you. But Fred left me no other choice.” But even in her own ears this didn’t sound very convincing.

  
They were both silent, standing face to face, looking into each other’s eyes. Genevieve was the first to avert her gaze. She sighed, turned and walked to the bedroom door.  
“Let me help you to get your things.”

  
After packing they had gone to their favourite Japanese restaurant, trying to brighten up what had now become their only evening together. And somehow they had managed to find the casual, loving tone that had always coloured their conversations. Later, in the bed they still considered to be theirs, Genevieve had taken Therese in her arms and had kissed her until they both felt the familiar want growing in their bodies. Their lovemaking had been slow and intimate, but with a new, melancholy feel to it. Afterwards they had both cried.

  
The other passengers were already collecting their bags, when Therese unclasped her seatbelt. She reached for her camera bag under her seat, pulled it up and opened one of its small compartments. In it was the note that Claire, Fred’s secretary, had given her when she came out of his office. There was a name on it, together with a phone number.

  
“Call this number when you land,” Claire said. “You won’t need a cab. Someone will pick you up at the airport.”

  
Therese once again felt that strange excitement in her stomach when she recognized the name scribbled on the note: Carol Ross Aird. Of course.


	3. Saturday morning

Carol did not recognize the number that appeared in the screen of her phone. After wiping her wet hands on the legs of her black trousers she took the call.  
“Yes ?”  
“Mrs. Aird ?” A woman’s voice. New York accent. The photographer.  
“Yes.” Carol reached for the tap, turning it off. She was in the kitchen where she had just put the breakfast clutter in the dishwasher. It was Saturday and the maid had a day off.  
“Uhm… This is Therese Belivet. I have just arrived at the airport and I was told I could call you …” Slightly put off by Mrs. Aird’s curt tone Therese hesitated.  
“That’s correct.” Carol smiled to herself, noticing that the photographer felt intimidated by her business-like response. She waited for her to speak again.  
“Well, I was wondering if you could pick me up, that is … “ Once again Therese faltered.  
“Which terminal ?” Carol had no intention to make it easier for the photographer who would make her life miserable for the next few days.  
Therese gave her the number.  
“I’ll be there in half an hour.” Carol hung up before Therese could say goodbye.  
_________________________________________  
Therese took her luggage to the exit of the terminal, hoping she would recognize Mrs. Aird. Having no point of reference other than the picture of the beautiful woman in the soft pink evening gown that she had admired together with Dannie, she wondered what her hostess would look like on an ordinary Saturday morning. Knowing she had to sleep on the plane, she herself had chosen for a casual outfit of loose fitting, black jeans and a green sweater that, at least according to Genevieve, matched the colour of her eyes. She wore her black parka over her arm, as the sun was already warm.  
Their eyes met at the same instant, Therese glancing up from her watch after nervously checking it for what must have been the hundredth time, and Carol as she removed her sunglasses to look at the young woman that, given the fact that she was guarding a big camera bag, had to be the photographer. Therese could not look away from the tall, blond woman who, dressed in a casual black suit with a white, open collared shirt underneath, elicited a timeless, understated elegance. Carol carefully hid her surprise after she registered the beautiful, delicate features of the dark haired woman who was staring at her.  
“Miss Belivet ?” Now standing face to face, Carol’s formality was once again intimidating.  
“Therese,” Therese offered. “You’re Mrs. Aird?”  
Carol nodded, ignoring the handshake Therese wanted to initiate.  
“Is this all your luggage ?” She reached for a small trolley, assuming Therese would want to carry her camera bag herself. “My car is just outside.” Therese followed her, barely keeping up with her long strides. Carol took out her keys to unlock an ancient, dark blue Volvo station wagon. She put the trolley on the backseat and motioned Therese to do the same with her camera bag and rucksack.  
When Therese slid into the passenger seat next to her, Carol was already wearing her sunglasses, hiding the clear blue of her eyes that Therese had only caught a glimpse of when their eyes met in the terminal. With her left hand Therese reached behind her right shoulder, trying to find the seatbelt. Somehow it was stuck and she tried to force it out.  
“Here, let me.” Carol reached over her, with a quick movement setting the belt free. Their bodies nearly touching, Therese became acutely aware of Carol’s perfume. A light, citruslike fragrance that reminded her of summer. Their hands touched when Therese took the belt from Carol. She felt a blush creeping up her cheeks, but Carol pretended to be unaware of her passengers discomfort. Amused, she started the engine.  
“Let’s go.”  
They did not talk during the ride that would take them to the house in the Foothill district where Carol and Harge had settled after their marriage, ten years ago. Therese sat quietly, her eyes attentively taking in the unknown scenery of the city and the surrounding mountains. Looking at her from the corner of her eye, Carol was surprised by Therese’s calm. This quiet, shy girl certainly was not what she had expected, when Harge told her that one of Fred’s best news photographers was coming. If this meant that she could easily determine when and where Therese would be present to take her photo’s, this week could turn out to be less of an ordeal than she feared. And there was another thought that tried to wriggle itself into her consciousness, but she didn’t want to acknowledge. But her body betrayed her by making her feel what she did not want to think: Therese Belivet was attractive, very attractive.


	4. Saturday night, part 1

Saturday night, part 1

With a sigh of relief Therese closed the door of the guesthouse. It had been a rollercoaster of a day. Leaving her camera bag on the couch in front of the fireplace, she kicked off her heels and unzipped the tight black dress she wore, when working, to official gatherings, leaving it on the floor. She moved to the fridge in the kitchenette that filled a corner of the small living room. When Carol had shown her around that morning, she had mentioned the fridge and the drinks and snacks she would find there.

“Don’t hesitate to ask the maid to refill it,” Carol said, in the slightly ironic tone she had used the entire day. 

“I’m not much of drinker,” Therese wondered why she said that, knowing very well she would gratefully use it.

“Oh really?” Smiling, Carol slowly turned to Therese. Shyly returning her smile, Therese felt exposed by the cool blue gaze. Carol handed her the small trolley. 

“Well, I’ll leave you to unpack, then.”

Before she opened the door she once again turned to Therese. 

“If you like, you can have lunch with Rindy and me. We’ll be on the terrace in half an hour.”

Therese looked up from her trolley. “Yes. Yes, I would like that.” She shifted into her professional mode. “Is it okay if I bring my camera ? I might as well get started today.”

Carol’s smile faded.

“Must you?” Then she corrected herself, realizing that there was no escaping it. “Yes, do. Rindy will love it.” 

After she had unpacked and changed into black shorts, t-shirt and sneakers Therese took her camera and went to the terrace that adjoined the spacious living room of the big house. Carol had not yet given her a tour of the house and Therese wondered if she would. It didn’t escape her that her hostess wasn’t too keen on her being here. Did it matter? Fred had been very clear when he ordered her to go. He was doing Harge Aird a favour and she would make sure Fred was as good as his word.

When she reached the terrace, Rindy was already there. Therese smiled at the girl, who was blond like her mother and tall for her age. Dressed in a soccer outfit, she was standing next to the set table, clearly intending to already pick a sandwich before the others. Seeing Therese, she quickly removed her hand.

“Hi, you must be Rindy. I’m Therese. I’m here to take some photos.” Therese extended her hand, noticing that, unlike her mother, Rindy was more than willing to shake it.

“Cool,” the girl said. Her eyes were as blue as her mother’s, Therese noticed, slightly unnerved.

“Did you wash those hands, young lady?” Carol’s warm, deep voice startled them both. Rindy’s suddenly red cheeks said it all. “Go and clean them, then.” Smiling, Therese was reminded of the many times Sister Alicia, her foster mother, had sent her back to the washbasin, not pleased with her efforts to look like a neat girl. She liked Rindy’s tomboyish attitude. 

While her daughter ran upstairs to her bathroom to clean up, Carol, who had changed into a light blue linen dress, brought the last dish to the table. It was set in the middle of the spacious terrace that offered an undisturbed view of the mountains. A huge parasol provided enough shade for all three of them. 

“Tea, coffee, water?, “ Carol offered. Only now she looked directly at Therese, who had chosen a chair on one of the long sides of the table, expecting Carol to take the seat at the head. Once again Therese was struck by the indifferent tone of Carol’s voice. It angered her. “I’m only here to do my job,” was at the tip of her tongue. Instead, she looked at her evenly, hiding her irritation. 

“Water, please.” 

Their hands touched briefly when Carol handed Therese her glass. Carol became acutely aware of the coolness of Therese’s skin, wondering how she remained untouched by the heat. This young woman was full of surprises, she mused, but she was not willing to ponder on this for long. Therese Belivet would be out of her life in a few days. Until then, she would be polite, if distant. 

But lunch turned out to be an unexpectedly pleasant half hour, giving Therese the opportunity to show off her knowledge of soccer to Rindy. Once she had discovered that, unlike her mother, Therese actually knew who Abby Wambach was and could discuss the subtleties of the off side rule, Rindy swooned over the young photographer. Carol was visibly softened by her daughter’s efforts to entertain their guest. Listening to them discuss the chances of Team USA at the Olympics in Rio next year, she unwillingly was touched by Therese’s genuine interest in Rindy. Carol’s hectic scheme forced her to divide her attention over her work and the many political and social obligations that came with Harge’s career, which left her little time to spend with Rindy. It bothered her. Seeing Rindy opening up to Therese filled her with joy and something that resembled regret.

Therese had put her camera on the chair next to her, hoping for an opportunity to take some pictures of Carol and Rindy. She wanted them to be completely at ease, but feared Carol would not be able to relax. But somehow the pleasure of being together, in this moment that was warmed both by the sun and Rindy’s enthusiasm, made Carol forget her inhibitions. And when Rindy went over to her mother, leaning against her while Carol circled her waist with her arm, Therese cautiously reached for her camera. They did not notice it and Therese was excited to capture them in such an intimate and loving pose. She had snapped a few shots before Rindy became aware of the lens pointed at her. 

“Wow ! Can I see the pictures ?”

Carol’s eyes were immediately focused on the camera. Through her lens Therese saw how their colour changed to a darker blue, how her face clouded. In awe, she was acutely aware of Carol’s anger but at the same time her breath taking beauty. Unwilling to stop herself, she pressed the shutter. 

Therese took a beer from the fridge and thought how Carol’s attitude had changed after that moment. She had sent Rindy up to her room to shower and started to clear away the lunch. Therese’s offer to help was brusquely rejected and she remained seated at the table. After what seemed an incessant wait, Carol had returned, bringing a folder with her. In it was the schedule for the next few days. 

“Read it and let me know when you want to join us. I suggest you start tonight with the fundraising dinner at the Eccles Theatre.”

Carol had returned to her initial, unnerving formality.

Therese took a sip of her beer and walked to the couch where she had left her camera bag. Taking out her camera and going through its memory, her thoughts returned to the moment she had taken Carol’s picture after she had discovered the camera. Although she understood Carol’s irritation, she did not regret her impulsive act. When she found the image, she marvelled at the intensity of Carol’s gaze, the darker blue of her slightly narrowed eyes and the fine lines that encircled them, the smile leaving her broad, sensuous mouth. Next to that, Therese also saw vulnerability. Carol was used to publicly wearing a mask and by making this picture, Therese was certain she had pierced it. It had given a depth to Carol’s beauty, she had not noticed before.

“Who are you?”, Therese mumbled, her eyes fixed on the small screen of her camera. It was then that she felt what could only be desire permeating her body. Oh God, was she in trouble.


	5. Saturday night, part 2

Standing in front of her bathroom mirror, slowly removing what was left of once impeccable makeup, Carol wondered what the hell was wrong with her. It had been an unnerving evening, following what had already been, at some moments, an emotional day. Looking at her reflection she saw a woman with red, swollen eyes and visible lines from her nose to her mouth. For the first time in years, she had cried. Somehow her row with Harge had made her loose her well-kept composure. Harge had been livid, had yelled at her, refusing to listen to her arguments. She had tried to be reasonable but in the end and to her great dismay had found herself in tears. 

“You’re ruining me!”, Harge’s loud voice filled the small cloakroom he had dragged her into after he had found out about her public confrontation with Richard. She winced.

“Harge, he was harassing Therese, practically assaulting her. It was inexcusable …”

“You know what, Carol, I don’t give a damn. What worries me is how Richard’s father will react when he hears that my wife has been yelling at his son in public, calling him a bastard.”

Carol didn’t answer.

“We have been working towards this all these years. And when at last David Semco is supporting my candidacy, you find it necessary to jeopardize all that by kicking his boy’s ass? You’re out of your mind!”

He turned his back to her, cramming his clenched fists into his pockets.

“Harge, listen …” She put her hand on his shoulder. He walked away, shrugging.

“Go away, Carol.” 

Splashing some water into her face, Carol replayed the incident with Richard. The fundraising dinner at the Eccles Theatre was still in full swing when, in need of some fresh air, she had excused herself and gone to one of the terraces adjoining the lobby. It was already dark when she stepped outside and while her eyes adjusted themselves to the dimmed light, she heard voices nearby.

“Mr. Semco, would you please get out of my way…”, a woman’s voice.

“It’s Richard and no, I want you to stay here,” a slurring, male voice responded.

Carol recognized Richard Semco as the man who was blocking a young woman trying to reach the terrace doors Carol had just entered. Richard clearly was drunk, even though there was no alcohol being served at the dinner because of the many Mormons that were present.

“Let me through …” The woman demanded, but he seized her arm, pulling her against his tall body. 

Suddenly Carol recognized the voice of the woman and realized it was Therese who was being harassed.

“Richard, leave her alone !” The abrupt sound of her voice startled them all. Richard cursed when Therese kicked his ankle, but kept his hold on her. 

“Well, well, well, Mrs. Aird, coming to the rescue …” Richard sneered. “For your information, she asked for it, this arrogant New York bitch…”

Before she knew it Carol slapped him in the face. Astounded he let go of Therese. Carol pointed to the terrace doors where a few curious onlookers had gathered. 

“Now fuck off, you bastard.”

Adjusting his bow tie he made his way to the doors.

Taking Therese’s hand, Carol turned to the impromptu audience.

“Would you please excuse us for a moment ?” She smiled, encouraging the people to leave. 

Trembling, Therese held on to Carol’s hand when at last they were alone. Anxiously Carol looked at the frail young woman in front of her. She touched Therese’s shoulder.

“Are you all right ? Did he hurt you ?” 

Therese tried to smile.

“No, I don’t think so. Thank you for rescuing me from that animal…” 

She put her hand on Carol’s chest, touching the soft skin just above her breasts that were partly covered by her cream coloured, silk dress. Sensing Therese’s touch, Carol closed her eyes, overcome by a strong surge of desire. Acutely aware of Carol’s body, Therese savoured its closeness, feeling its response.

“Carol, I …” 

“I have to get back.” Before Therese could answer, Carol freed herself out of their half-embrace. Without looking back she hurried through the doors to the lobby. 

Once again looking in the mirror Carol felt ashamed, but also regret about her sudden retreat. She sighed. There was no denying that she felt attracted by Therese. And she feared that Harge knew exactly what was going on in her mind.

Harge had asked Carol and his staff to meet an hour before the start of the fundraising dinner to walk through the program one more time and see to the last minute changes. Therese had joined them to meet Harge and the staff members, bringing her camera bag with her. Carol introduced her to Harge, who enthusiastically shook hands and shared stories with her about his old friend Fred Wilson. 

Listening to them, Carol’s eyes were drawn to the simple but elegant, short sleeved black dress that clung to Therese’s lean body, accentuating her perfect figure. She was intrigued by the metamorphosis Therese seemed to have undergone. The shy girl she had picked up from the airport had transformed into a confident professional, who clearly knew how to charm Harge and the other men standing around them. Suddenly Therese’s eyes shifted, catching Carol’s gaze. To her dismay Carol felt a blush making its way to her cheeks. Quickly averting her eyes, she was aware of Harge looking closely at her, then at Therese, a faint smile around his mouth. 

Yes, Harge knew, no doubt about it. Although their marriage was not a conventional union, they knew each other so very well. Harge had recognized her confusion, had seen the impact that this beautiful and talented young woman had on her, despite her attempts to conceal it. Considering their row, earlier this evening, it bothered her that he had seen her so vulnerable. What was he going to do with this knowledge?


	6. Sunday morning

It was still early when Harge Aird left his house to go to the Country Club, to meet David Semco for a round of golf. He did not look forward to seeing David, who most certainly would have been informed by now about Carol’s public clash with Richard. 

Starting his car, Harge admitted that he was still upset by the confrontation with Carol. During the more than ten years of their marriage they had rarely argued. Shocked, he realized that they had not only rowed last night, but also on Friday night. And he realized that both times their argument had been connected with the New York photographer, Therese Belivet. 

Harge Aird loved his wife. As unconventional as their marriage was, he was still bound to her strong, intelligent personality, her beauty and wit. They were partners, working closely together to create the perfect public life they both needed for their careers. But most of all Carol was the mother of Rindy. From a young age Harge had known he was gay and had always assumed he would never have a child. But when Carol and he had started talking about their arrangement, she had brought up the issue of children. 

“Have you ever thought about children?” Carol asked, her tone uncertain.

“I don’t know. It never occurred to me, for obvious reasons. Have you?”, he added. 

“I have, but for the same obvious reasons it has never gone further than that.” She smiled, a melancholy smile.

They were both silent. A child would of course be the crown on their image as a loving, heterosexual couple, but they both resisted the thought to have a child only for that reason. 

“Perhaps we can discuss this later.” Harge suggested. Carol nodded.

And they had. Two years into their marriage and after Harge’s sister Marjorie had given birth to twin girls they both adored, Harge tentatively brought up the issue again. They both admitted that their initial discussion had opened a new perspective, something they had long believed impossible. Next to that, their marriage of convenience had proved to be a pleasant and stable arrangement, based on friendship and respect.

Carol laughed, reaching over the table to take his hand. They were at a restaurant, having dinner together before one or both of them would have to leave for a meeting, as invariably happened. 

“Why not?”

Surprised, he looked at their hands, entwined now, on the white linen.

“Are you certain?”

“I think we will be great parents.” She squeezed his hand, leaving him speechless.

After he had parked his car at the Club, Harge remained behind the wheel for a few minutes. He remembered the first time he had held Rindy in his arms and once again felt the total, unconditional love he had for his daughter. He knew Carol’s feelings equalled his. 

Then, his thoughts returned to Therese Belivet. He had seen the way Carol had looked at her in the lobby of the Eccles Theatre. And he had seen Therese’s reaction to it. It bothered him. During their years together Carol had had several affairs, but he had never given them a second thought, seeing the detached way in which Carol handled them. But he knew her well enough by now, to know that this could be different. There had been a hunger in Carol’s eyes, a longing he had not seen in her before. Opening the door of his car he admitted he was relieved Therese Belivet would only be with them for a week. For he would never allow her to mess up the happy, well ordered life he had with Carol and Rindy.  
___________________

Therese woke up to the buzzing of her phone. Checking the display, she recognized Dannie’s number.

“Dannie”, she croaked, after she had pressed the green button.

“ You up yet?” Dannie’s voice sounded far too cheerful at this early hour.

“No. And I don’t intend to.” She managed to sit up, propping some pillows behind her back. “How’s the party?”

“I’ve just stepped outside to escape one of my too cuddly aunts. But otherwise, just fine. I’m glad I came.”

Therese could hear music and the voices of some of the other wedding guests.

“How’s the job going?”

“Okay. The Airds are nice people and I get all the space I need.” She had no intention to tell him about Carol’s defensive attitude, the incident with Richard and most of all her confused feelings for her hostess. She would talk with him about that later, after she had made some sense of it all. On the other end of the line a female voice called in the background. 

“Sorry, I gotta go. Mum needs me.” Dannie apologized. “You go back to sleep!”

Before Therese could answer he had already broken the connection. She put the phone back on the nightstand and got rid of some of the pillows. Lying down again, she pulled the duvet around her. She sighed, knowing it would be difficult to fall asleep again. Perhaps it was better to concentrate on the issues that were bothering her right now.   
The incident with Richard had been awkward at first and disruptive after that. After the briefing at the beginning of the dinner, Richard had been following her around like a puppy. He had introduced her to several people, which was useful. But after a while she noticed that he sipped with great speed from a flask he kept hidden in the pocket of his tuxedo. When she found herself alone with him on the terrace she knew she was in trouble. Soon his hands were all over her. And he tried to kiss her when luckily Carol intervened. 

With a jolt Therese remembered the anger in Carol’s voice, the fire in her eyes when she slapped Richard in the face. Most of all she remembered her warm hand on her shoulder, soothing her, trying to calm her after Richard’s unacceptable behaviour. She was still astounded by her own courage, touching the soft, light skin of Carol’s breast. Carol had closed her eyes and Therese had felt her shiver before she had turned away and had left her standing alone on the terrace. Surely Carol had felt something too? 

Therese breathed hard, feeling how the thoughts of Carol filled her with arousal. This woman was getting under her skin. A married woman, and happily married, by the looks of it. “No way, Belivet", she whispered, “just hold on for a few days.” But she was unable to help herself and, closing her eyes, she let her hand roam and reach for the warm wetness that had gathered between her legs.


	7. Sunday afternoon

To Abby Gerhardt Carol Ross would always be her first and greatest love. What started as a high school crush had turned into a lifelong bond, that had survived their breakup as lovers, Carol’s marriage and Abby’s numerous affairs. Carol knew she could always rely on Abby’s friendship, loyalty and if needed, straightforward point of view. Abby had never been intimidated by Carol’s cool and sometimes downright arrogant exterior, sensing the vulnerability lying beneath it. In return, Carol offered Abby advice and consolation in her often messy love life, next to an unwavering admiration for Abby’s down to earth way to handle life and its occasional setbacks. 

“Darling, where on earth are you?“ Through the smoke of her cigarette Abby peered at Carol who, not reacting, distractedly sipped from her dry martini. 

“Carol?” Abby touched Carol’s arm, trying to get her attention.

“I’m sorry I’m such a bore today.” Smiling apologetically Carol turned her face towards her friend. 

They were on the terrace of Abby’s city apartment, enjoying their drinks in the still warm, late afternoon sun. 

“I’ll live, but can’t you tell me what’s bothering you?” Abby could always sense Carol’s unease. Carol shrugged, reaching for the packet of cigarettes that lay in front of them on the low table that separated their lounge chairs. Handing her a lighter, Abby smiled.

“Let me guess. It’s that ravishing photographer Harge has hired.”

Carol’s face reddened and she started to cough, inhaling too much air through her cigarette. It took her some moments before she was able to speak again.

“Is it that obvious?” 

“Not to others perhaps, but to me it is.” Abby refilled their glasses.

Being one of the main guests at the fundraiser, Abby had soon noticed the beautiful female photographer who followed Harge and Carol around. Although the young woman remained in the background, her appearance caused the necessary prying eyes. Abby had laughed at the men, Richard Semco among them, who in vain had tried to get her attention. It was clear the photographer’s focus had been on one person mainly. And that person was Carol. Abby couldn’t blame her. Dressed in a tight fitting, cream-colored Armani dress, Carol simply looked stunning. But watching her friend making her way through the crowd gathered at the tables, Abby noticed that, in her turn, Carol frequently seemed to focus on the photographer, especially when she turned her lens on Harge or one of the bystanders. What was going on here?

Carol sighed. 

“Damn, Abby, you know me so well.”

“So, I am right?” Abby raised her glass. “Excellent choice, by the way.”

For a while they were both silent, Abby giving Carol the time to gather her thoughts. When she spoke, Carol’s voice sounded flat, almost indifferent. 

“I don’t want this Abby, not now, when Harge’s dream is about to come true. I cannot fall in love and end the life I have with him and Rindy.” 

“Wait a second, Carol, you’ve just met her. This is no time to talk about falling in love, let alone leaving Harge…” Bewildered, Abby fetched another cigarette from the packet that would soon be empty.

Carol smiled, a sad smile.

“You’re right of course. But this is different. Yes, I feel attracted to Therese. But most of all her being here has made me more aware of my situation, makes me question why I have chosen to live like this. Tied to a man, a child, my job, our ambitions … Right now I need order, predictability, no strong emotions. And she’s turning that upside down, probably without being aware of that. I don’t even know if she is attracted to me.” 

Oh, you bet she is … Abby didn’t put that thought into words, but instead leaned towards Carol, taking her hand.

“You’re upset, I understand. But I think you need to explore your feelings. There’s Therese, of course, but most of all the doubts you now seem to have about your life with Harge and Rindy. I know how important they both are to you, but that doesn’t mean you cannot change.” Abby hesitated, knowing she was nearing dangerous terrain. 

“Carol, you are the love of my life, but somehow a future with you was not to be. I don’t know if there will ever be anyone else for me, but I don’t give up trying to find her. You chose to marry Harge and have the occasional lover. For a long time now you have been satisfied, but not happy. If that’s what you want, so be it. But Miss Belivet seems to make you question that. Don’t ignore those questions.”

She squeezed Carol’s hand. 

“I know you don’t want me saying this. But I just want you to be happy.”

Carol did not answer, letting Abby’s words sink in. As always she was touched by Abby’s loyalty. The break-up of their affair had left a permanent wound in both of them. Abby had been able to leave her anger and disappointment behind. Carol would always feel the guilt: somehow their love had not been enough for her, making her hurt the person she cherished most. It made her sensitive to Abby’s opinion. And of course, Abby was right. She had to face these questions and the unease and, she had to admit, longing that they provoked. 

Carol raised from her chair, pulling Abby with her. Standing in front of her friend, Carol opened her arms.

“Come here,”

They held each other tight, their bodies still so familiar. Kissing Abby’s lips, Carol murmured:

“Thank you, dear, dear old friend.”

_______________

“You lose!”, Rindy cheered, after she had kicked the ball in the makeshift goal made out of two sweaters. Therese ran a few steps behind her, unable to tackle her and prevent her from scoring. 

Both still panting they left the lawn and went indoors to the kitchen. Rindy took a bottle of water from the fridge and poured two glasses. 

“You’re good, you know. Did you play soccer at school?” 

Taking the glass Rindy offered her, Therese smiled.

“Not really. I used to go to the park with a bunch of friends and play. I was the only girl, so I learned it the hard way.”

“Cool.” Rindy sat down at the kitchen table.

“I hope your mother doesn’t mind us having ruined the grass… She seems quite strict to me” Therese looked at the clumps that were scattered on the lawn. 

Rindy shrugged.

“Don’t worry.” She was silent for a while. Then she added: “I think she likes you.”

“You think so?” 

Rindy nodded enthusiastically. Therese felt a blush colour her cheeks, excitement growing in her stomach. She sighed. So now what?


	8. Monday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I have been neglecting you for some time. To make that up a second new chapter this week. Let me know what you think of it.

Therese couldn’t remember the last time she had been inside a Kindergarten. Bewildered, she watched the group of four and five year old’s that, tumbling and cheering, entered the classroom where their teachers tried to make them sit down on the small chairs that were placed in a half circle around a larger chair, decorated with garlands. On it sat Harge, a copy of The Gruffalo on his lap.

It had been one of the items on the schedule Carol had handed her on Saturday: Monday 8.00 AM, reading for children at Nibley Park. Intrigued, Therese had set her alarm at an unfamiliar early hour to shower and dress and have her equipment ready. To her dismay she had been picked up by Richard, but he had ignored her during the ride to Nibley Park, talking politics with the colleague from Harge’s campaign team sitting next to him. 

Harge and Carol were already at the school when she arrived. They were besieged by reporters and their cameramen of several local networks, trying to get a quote from the handsome Utah Senator and his equally attractive wife. Smiling, Harge held up his hands and raised his voice.

“Seriously guys, we’re here for the children, so please give Carol and me some space.” 

Still, it took more than ten minutes before, escorted by a beaming Principal and some members of her staff, they eventually reached the classroom. With the help of Linda, Harge’s PA, Therese had managed to find a spot with a perfect view of the reading chair. She could almost feel the excitement of the children when the Senator started reading: 

“ A mouse took a stroll through the deep dark wood, a fox saw the mouse and the mouse …” 

“Looked good!”, a little boy cried. Harge gave him a thumbs up and continued, every once in a while giving space to one of the children to finish a line of the well known story. Therese admired the ease with which he was able to communicate with the children and she enjoyed taking pictures of the way his expression changed every time he assumed the role of a different animal in the story. 

While Harge read to the children, Carol had taken a seat at the teachers desk, right behind him. Amused, she listened to the story and the laughter and cries of excitement it evoked in the children. But she was also acutely aware of Therese’s presence in the room and tried to avoid the lens of her camera. 

They had not spoken to each other since the incident at the terrace of the Eccles Theatre. On Sunday Carol had hidden herself in her study, buried in work, until her appointment with Abby. Her talk with Abby still haunted her, making her feel on edge, stripped of her usual reticence. Therese embodied this unease and she could not bear to be near her now. But she could also still feel Therese’s warm hand on her chest and her own, very physical reaction to it.

“Carol, darling?” Harge’s voice startled her, ending her thoughts about Therese. He held up a book.

“It’s your turn.” 

She rose to take his place at the decorated chair. Harge went to sit between the children, taking a little girl on his lap while he tried to adjust his large frame to the little chair that would hopefully carry them both. Carol waited until the children were quiet again, with just a look silencing a reporter who was talking to one of the teachers. Then she opened the book.

“The very hungry caterpillar.”

If afterwards somebody had asked Therese what the story had been about, she would not have been able to answer. She had been mesmerized by the sound of Carol’s deep alto and, closing her eyes, she had allowed herself to be carried away by it. It was only after a few minutes that she realised she was here to capture some useful images for Harge’s campaign and she forced herself to use her camera. 

She focused on the children, fully gripped by the story, where they had been noisy when Harge read to them. Then she pointed her camera at Carol, now unaware of Therese’s attention. Therese adjusted her lens, zooming in on Carol’s face. She drank in the details: the broad, sensual mouth that contrasted with her sharp jawline , the straight nose and high brow, the ice blue of her eyes, the slight lines that circled them. At last lowering her camera, Therese sighed. She could look at this woman forever. 

_____________

“Did you manage to take some good shots?”

Carol’s voice sounded flat, distant even. Therese looked at the woman sitting next to her. Did it really have to be this way between them?

Once again they sat together in the ancient, dark blue Volvo. After the children had sung for them and, together with the Principal and their teachers, had waved them goodbye at the school entrance, Harge and Carol had parted ways. Harge had joined Richard and the other staff members to go to his office, which meant that Carol would take Therese with her. 

“Yes, yes I did.” Therese hesitated, then decided to ignore the unnerving cool politeness Carol seemed to prefer. 

“Harge is very good with children. They simply adored him.” 

To her surprise a smile softened Carol’s rigid face.

“Yes. With children he becomes this huge, cuddly teddy bear they all want to cling to.”

“And you? What do you become?” Therese knew she was on dangerous ground, asking Carol such a personal question. Carol didn’t answer immediately, concentrating on the road where a truck was blocking one of the exits.

“I don’t know. What do you see through that lens of yours?”

She was challenging Therese, forcing the young woman to give something away of her feelings for her. Therese felt a knot in her stomach but decided to jump into the deep.

“I see a beautiful woman who wears a mask, trying to adjust to her surroundings without showing her fears, her doubts, her vulnerability.”

Carol remained silent, trying to digest this unexpected and uncalled for answer. Then she felt the anger well up in her.

“How dare you! Who do you think you are, thinking you can judge me like this …” 

“Carol, I …” 

With an irritated wave of her hand Carol made clear the conversation had ended. The silence between them that ensued soon became suffocating. Stubbornly leaning over the steering wheel with shoulders hunched, Carol drove them home, challenging the speed limit. 

The house had a double underground garage where Carol parked the Volvo. Holding back her tears Therese got out and yanked at the back door of the car to get her camera bag. Suddenly she felt a movement behind her and then a hand on her shoulder. 

“Therese…” 

Turning, Therese met Carol’s eyes, clouded over by anger and something she could not define. The air between them vibrated, making them both hold their breath. It was Carol who took the first step, reaching for Therese’s face, taking it in both of her hands. And then their lips met in a passionate, hungry kiss that left them both speechless. Therese leaned into Carol’s body, her hands grabbing her blond curls to bring the taller woman’s lips even closer to hers. Opening her mouth for Carol’s tongue, Therese felt how Carol at the same time pressed her against the car, wedging her leg between her thighs. She moaned, moving her pelvis against Carol’s leg while Carol’s hands slipped under her coat, under her sweater, yearning for bare skin. 

Aware of her mounting desire, Therese also felt alarmed by what was happening. She sensed that Carol’s touch was fuelled by an almost desperate aggression. What would happen if she gave in to it? She realized they would both seriously regret this, perhaps making it impossible to ever really come together. With force she disentangled herself from Carol’s grip.

“Carol..”

Panting, Carol buried her face in her hands. Therese reached for her, stroking her hair.

“Darling, look at me.”

Crying, her eyes veiled, Carol focused on Therese. 

“Carol, I want you, but not like this.”

Carol moaned, a wounded animal. Therese put her arms around her, soothing her. 

“Let’s go inside. Have a drink. Talk.”

Trembling, Carol slowly gave in to Therese’s comforting embrace. Then she nodded. Holding hands, they went inside.


	9. Monday afternoon

After they had taken the stairs and passed the door that separated the underground garage from the upstairs corridor, Carol let go of Therese’s hand. Her eyes searched for Therese’s and she smiled tentatively as if to apologize for what just had happened. Therese raised her eyebrows.

“Are you okay?”

Carol nodded, then gestured to a door at the end of the corridor. 

“Wait for me there. I will make some coffee for us.” She headed for the kitchen, where Florence, the maid, was preparing lunch. 

Therese entered what she decided had to be Carol’s study. It was a square room with windows on three sides, making it a welcoming space filled with light. The mountain view was breath-taking. Looking around Therese noticed the simple, almost austere way Carol had decorated the room. Steel and glass dominated and the colour scheme was limited to grey, sand and white. A long wooden table served as a desk and held a laptop and numerous grey boxes that, Therese presumed, contained the casefiles Carol was currently working on. 

Her attention was drawn to the only brick wall of the room, where, next to a bookcase filled with legal works, hung a large framed photograph. She recognized it immediately: it was one of the pictures of the BEACH series of Rineke Dijkstra, a Dutch photographer. It showed an adolescent girl in a soft yellow bathing suit on the flood line. Dijkstra magnificently had captured the innocence and vulnerability of the girl, but also her growing self-awareness. Therese loved Dijkstra’s portraits and was in awe of the way the photographer was able to lay bare the soul of her sitter. 

“Do you like it?” Immersed in the image, Carol’s voice startled Therese. Carol entered the room with a tray that Florence had filled with two mugs of coffee and some sandwiches. She placed it on the table and joined Therese, who was still taking in every detail of the picture. Standing next to her, Carol once again felt her body ache for the touch of this delicate young woman. Therese looked at her and waved her hand at the portrait.

“I love it. Dijkstra is my favourite photographer.” She was silent for a moment, then added:

“You are full of surprises.”

They remained standing, looking into each other’s eyes. Carol saw how Therese’s were filled with questions; Therese noticed the shyness in Carol’s gaze. She touched Carol’s cheek.

“I want to – know. I think, I mean, to ask you … things. But I’m not sure you want that.”

Carol took hold of her hand, kissed it, then placed her forehead against it.

“Ask me. Things. Please.”

They sat at the table, facing each other, the tray between them. At first it had felt awkward. Therese searching for the right words, the right questions, Carol opening up to her, needing to shake off her usual reticence. But then followed an intimate conversation, an exchange between two women, who, though still almost strangers, eagerly wanted to connect. 

Therese had listened attentively when Carol had told about her youth, growing up as the only daughter of liberal parents in a city dominated by Mormons and their conservative views on most matters. She also told her about her love for the law and why she had chosen it when she entered university. Most of all Carol had been frank about her lifelong friendship with Abby, about the time they had been lovers and their current, ongoing devotion for each other. 

“So you have been with a woman before…” Therese had wondered about it after Carol’s sudden embrace and the way she had moved against her.

“Does that surprise you?” Carol looked uncertain.

“Well, yes and no…” Therese took Carol’s hand, then squeezed it. 

“You obviously know how to touch me and I’m certain you feel the same attraction as I do. But then there’s Harge and Rindy. You’re a married woman, a mother. You can’t blame me that I’m somewhat bewildered.” 

Carol sighed.

“No, I can’t blame you for that.” For a moment she looked at the young woman in front of her, her intelligent, observant eyes, her thoughtful expression. Then she made a decision.

“Therese, my marriage with Harge is not what it seems. We’re good friends but not lovers. We married because given the circumstances, our jobs and Harge’s political career, that was the best thing to do. But we are both gay.” 

Therese let go of Carol’s hand and raised from her chair, walking over to one of the windows. With her back to Carol she tried to make sense of her confession. 

“But… what about Rindy?” 

Carol continued, wanting Therese to know the whole story.

“We both wanted a child.” She hesitated, then went on. 

“Having both been in heterosexual relationships too, we decided we wanted to conceive our child in the traditional way. It was somewhat awkward, but we succeeded.”  
She smiled. 

“Rindy was born out of love. We both adore her.” 

Therese remained silent, not knowing how to react. At an intellectual level she could make sense of Carol’s choices, but emotionally she felt less at ease with them. She had always been open about her preference for women and had consciously chosen for her life as a lesbian. Her friends had made the same choices. She could not picture one of them or herself to want Carol’s closeted, even deceitful existence. 

Alarmed by Therese’s silence, Carol decided to join her at the window, carefully avoiding to touch her. 

“Therese? Please tell me what you think …”

Sensing Carol’s need to know, Therese turned to her, not wanting her face to betray her unease. 

“I… You must give me some time to digest this.”

She touched Carol’s shoulder, her green eyes seeking her intense, ice blue gaze.

“I feel attracted to you, Carol. But I need to make sense of this all … of your story and what it means for my feelings for you. Give me some time to think this over.”

Carol nodded, relieved that Therese seemed bewildered but did not reject her right away. She would give the girl time. No, she would give them both time. She was well aware that with confessing to Therese she had taken the first step on a very uncertain road. What risk was she taking? But she was also aware of her strong need to touch Therese, to take her in her arms and feel her slender body against her own. She shivered. Therese, her hand still on Carol’s shoulder, felt her tremble. She opened her arms.

“Come here.” 

They embraced, holding each other tight until Therese lifted her head and sought Carol’s lips. Their kiss was hesitant at first, then deepened, Therese pulling Carol’s head closer, her tongue taking possession of Carol’s mouth. Their bodies burning, they both lost themselves in the kiss, desperately clinging to each other until a shrill sound pierced the air and Carol’s phone brought them back to reality.


	10. Tuesday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, it's been a while. Work, mostly, but also a nasty flu. But here's a new chapter. Let me know what you think of it ...

Friend and foe alike: everybody respected Carol Ross Aird inside a courtroom. Her razor sharp mind, her unsparing way of questioning, her ability to dig up every obscure fact, detail or court ruling, all determined her reputation as a brilliant, sometimes ruthless lawyer. Therese could sense the anticipation in the courtroom when Carol left her chair and approached the suspect she was about to interrogate in a case of domestic violence. Therese had been surprised when Carol told her that although she was a corporate lawyer, she sometimes helped women that were caught up in civil or criminal cases. 

“I sometimes volunteer at a women’s shelter as a favour to Abby. She is on the board of trustees there. “

The phone call that so abruptly had made an end to their unexpected, passionate embrace the previous afternoon, had been about the case. Freeing herself out of Therese’s arms Carol had apologized and told her she had to take it. She immediately switched into professional mode, answering the questions of the counsellor that guided the victim. Therese had retreated, at first to the table but in the end she had left the room when Carol, pacing agitatedly through the room, her phone pressed against her ear, seemed to have forgotten her presence. 

“Mister Tucker?” Carol’s voice filled the entire courtroom. She was standing in front of the accused, a little, ferret like man who didn’t dare to look at her directly but instead focused on his hands, that were visibly shaking. 

“I asked you why you deemed it necessary to not only lock up your wife after she came home from work, but also to confiscate the money she brought in from her job.”

Amused, Therese noticed how Carol used her tall frame to slightly lean over him, making him even smaller than he already must feel. He coughed and looked at the judge, seated next to the witness stand, as if seeking for help. He was met by a neutral gaze.

“I’m sorry”, Tucker whispered.

“What? I’m afraid I didn’t hear you properly …” , Carol brought her hand to her ear.

Fascinated, Therese followed Carol’s every move. My God, you are magnificent. She regretted that she was not allowed to use her camera in the courtroom.

Tucker shifted in his seat.

“I said I’m sorry, I didn’t ….”, his voice was still hardly audible.

“Ah, you’re sorry! Well, well.” Carol stepped back, turning to the public, raising her eyebrows. “Then I think the judge will know just what to do with you.” She returned to her seat, sitting down next to her client, a young Latin American woman. Taking the woman’s hand, she smiled encouragingly. Everything would be okay. 

____________

“Do you ride?” It was a surprising question.

“On a horse?” Therese laughed. “You must have noticed by now I’m a city slicker.” 

Carol shook her head.

“That’s not what I mean. Do you ride a bike?”

Still surprised, Therese nodded.

“After a morning like this I like to clear my head going outside. Will you join me?”

“Okay.”

They were in a taxi together, on their way back from the courthouse where, shortly after Carol had dealt with the unfortunate Mr. Tucker, the judge had ended the proceedings. Therese had stayed close to Carol, again allowed to use her camera, now to capture the image of another Carol she did not know. Surrounded by an enthusiastic group of women from the women’s shelter who had come to support her client, Carol was more relaxed and open than Therese had seen her before. Smiling, she courteously listened to the women thanking her for her work, hugging them, lacking her usual reticence. Therese had been thrilled to be so near to Carol and together be part of this exhilarating group. 

Back at the house Carol took Therese to a small building at the end of the large garden. There were several bikes there and a closet with clothes and other equipment she could use. Carol took out a neon coloured jersey and black cycling shorts, holding them in front of the smaller woman. 

“I think these should fit. There are shoes and helmets is several sizes, so try some on. I’ll be back in a minute.”

Therese managed to find the right shoes and was busy with adjusting one of the road bikes to her size when Carol returned. She was already in full attire and Therese marvelled at the way the tight red jersey and black shorts clung to her thin, lithe body. Carol’s eyes were hidden behind yellow sunglasses, but Therese could feel how her eyes followed every curve of her body.

“Do I look all right?” Therese hadn’t meant her question to sound seductive, but Carol’s slow smile convinced her of the opposite. 

“Quite all right.”

After Therese had left Carol’s study the afternoon before, they had not been alone together. Rindy and Harge had joined them for dinner and Therese had spent her evening at the Salt Palace Convention Center to attend a very uninspiring Chamber of Commerce Meeting where Harge had been the key note speaker. This morning they had been picked up by Jeannette, Carol’s legal assistant, to bring them to the courthouse. Therese was acutely aware now of Carol’s presence.

“Carol …” She hesitated, not knowing how to approach her. Carol averted her gaze.

“Let’s go.” 

They took the road that went past Carol’s house into the hills that were lining the district. Riding next to each other they silently enjoyed the fresh air and the warm sun on their backs. Therese easily adjusted to the black carbon Cannondale she had chosen and had quickly found out how to use the transmission. Carol’s bike was made to measure, a sleek and versatile extension to her elegant body. 

Thirty minutes after they had started the road began to rise and Therese had to downshift, not accustomed to ride in the hills. Carol’s pace remained the same and Therese had to use more power to stay next to her. Soon, her breathing became laboured. Amused, Carol glanced at her panting companion.

“Are you all right, city slicker?” 

Therese grunted, not willing to stay behind. Carol laughed and changed gear to keep in pace with her.

“I must admit. You’re doing far better than I thought. I cross these hills every week and I don’t think New York has gradients like these.”

“Been a bike courier… used to taking bridges… “ Therese couldn’t finish her sentence, shifted gear once again but kept going. 

Smiling to herself Carol concluded once more that Therese was full of surprises. She admired her perseverance, this not giving up against her. A woman who no doubt would stick to her choices. Carol wondered what went on in Therese’s mind after their intimate talk at her study. The phone call from the shelter had made an abrupt and unwanted end to their embrace and Therese had retreated once it became clear that Carol would be on the phone for a long time. After that, Carol had concentrated on the case, not allowing herself to dwell on their conversation and most of all the consequences it might have. But she knew it was unavoidable that they would have to talk again. 

After a few minutes they reached the top and Carol could not resist to accelerate in the last few meters to arrive there first. Sitting next to each other on a bench, they enjoyed the landscape, the snow-capped mountains, the shimmering Great Salt Lake in the distance. Drinking from their flasks and eating the bananas Carol had put in the back pocket of her jersey, they felt content, comfortable in a tentative friendship that went beyond sheer physical attraction. 

Suddenly Therese jumped up, put on her helmet and grabbed her bike. 

“See you at the house!” 

She sprinted away, leaving a cursing Carol behind, with just a view on her quickly receding, black clad bottom. 

______________________

Her head under the hard jets of the shower, Therese did not hear the door slide open and close. Suddenly she was aware of Carol behind her, pressed against her so close she could feel she was still wearing her cycling clothes. Carol let her right hand slip around Therese, resting it on her bare stomach. Leaning her head against Therese’s back she moved her other hand to her left breast, stroking it, making the nipple erect. Therese shuddered.

“Shhhhh.” Carol’s voice was like velvet, soothing her.

Carol’s right hand moved further down Therese’s body and Therese involuntarily lifted her hips, leaning into Carol, wanting those fingers on her, in her. 

“Darling…”

Carol’s lips were against the nape of her neck, her left hand now cupping her other breast. And then Carol’s fingers at last found Therese’s center and while her head fell back against Carol’s chest she felt her body tighten around those fingers, making her come, quivering and, impossibly, crying. 

Carol held her, rocking her gently until her orgasm subsided. Turning in her arms, Therese’s hands cupped Carol’s face. Her eyes were closed.

“Carol…”

Carol shrugged, her arms sliding to her sides.

“My God, I, I …”

Once again she slid open the shower door. Before Therese could stop her, she stormed out of the bathroom.

“Wait !”

There was no answer. Furious, Therese threw a shampoo bottle after her. 

“O, fuck you, Carol.”


	11. Tuesdy evening part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this chapter will answer some of the questions of my previous post ...

She was in shock, horrified by her own demeanour, terrified by her loss of control. After her panicked flight from the guesthouse, Carol had locked herself in her bedroom. Discarding her still wet cycling clothes she went into the bathroom, seeking the comfort of her ancient, checked red robe. Panting, she leaned with two hands on the granite sink that occupied one of the light gray tiled walls. Only then did she allow herself to look in the mirror.

“God …” Her face was flushed, her eyes red rimmed, the pupils dilated. Her wet hair was pasted to her forehead and she noticed the pronounced wrinkles around her eyes, the deep lines that linked her nose with the edges of her mouth. She looked a mess and felt like it.

What had happened in the shower with Therese filled her with shame. What had made her do this, had possessed her? Anger, because Therese had outsmarted her by sneaking out on her bike, leaving her behind at the top? Lust? Oh, it was there, no doubt. But when had she ever only acted on instinct? 

Carol shook her head. She could depend on her logical, legal brain to seek explanations, to rationalize until her original and far too upsetting emotions had vanished into thin air. But she knew she could not afford to walk away from this. She had to come clear, had to sort out this mess. She owed it, if not to herself than at least to Therese, to be honest to herself. 

After Therese’s unexpected trick at the top, Carol had forced herself to remain at the bench. She couldn’t stand loosing but also knew that by pursuing Therese, who was not used to racing downhill, she would bring both of them in danger. Grudgingly she had to admire Therese’s guts to put her in her place after her childish sprint to the top. Carol knew by now not to let herself be fooled by Therese’s friendly and fragile exterior. She was a force to be reckoned with.

When she arrived at the house after a calm descent, Carol put away her bike and after a slight hesitation made her way to the guesthouse. She opened the door.

“Therese?” 

There was no answer, but Carol could hear the sound of the shower. Deciding to wait, she sat down on the couch when she saw a big folder, lying on the coffee table. She knew Therese was working on her portfolio in order to contact galleries to interest them in her work. Curious, she took the book on her lap. Leafing through the prints, mostly portraits, she could not but admire Therese’s sharp, but compassionate eye. The people in her portraits, mostly women and some children and men, looked straight into the camera, as if asked to share their thoughts, emotions or observations of that moment with the photographer. By letting them open up to her, Therese had managed to reveal their strength, intelligence and vulnerability, their humanity.

Carol’s attention was drawn to another folder, hidden under the portfolio. When Carol opened it she saw to her astonishment that it contained pictures of Therese herself, clearly shot using a self-timer. And there was one of Therese with another woman. Putting the self-portraits of Therese aside, Carol focused on the image of the two women. She tensed. They were naked and lying on a bed together, propped up against some green cushions, the arms and legs of their fragile, sleek bodies entwined. It was a very intimate image but clearly also meant to be seen by others, because Therese looked straight into the lens. Her expression exuded boldness, pride and defiance, where the focus of her partner, a red haired woman with a translucent, freckled skin, was entirely on Therese’s face, expressing what Carol could only define as love. She looked at the backside of the photo, where Therese had written “Genevieve”. 

Carol felt her mouth become dry. Gasping, she dropped the folder. During their talk yesterday, Therese had revealed nothing about her own personal life. How convenient, when there was obviously someone she shared her bed and possibly her life with. Carol felt how a hot, jealous anger overtook her. Fists clenched, she agitatedly paced the room, then entered the bathroom and opened the shower door. 

Still leaning on the sink, the hard granite cold against her hands, Carol shuddered, feeling sick. She had forced herself on Therese, had simply taken her body, without asking her consent. And although Therese had not rejected her, Carol had immediately felt disgusted by her own actions and had fled from the guesthouse. She sighed. There was only one thing left to do. She had to apologize to Therese. 

Carol moved to her bedroom, looking for her mobile phone. She decided to text Therese, thus allowing her the space to ignore her message. Hands shaking, she started typing.

“Therese, I’m sorry.”

The message was received and read. Carol watched her screen anxiously, but it took some time before Therese replied.

“What do you want from me?”

“Let me talk to you …” 

This time there was no reply. Carol held her breath, then decided to try again.

“Can I come over?” 

She desperately hoped that Therese would be willing to talk to her. After a few minutes and to her great relief she heard the familiar buzz of her phone.

“Give me five minutes.”

Clenching her phone, Carol murmured “Thank you.” She closed her eyes. There was no turning back, now.


	12. Tuesday evening, part 2

When Therese heard the knock on the door she had to fight the urge to not answer it. She sighed. What was she doing here? Why was she willing to talk to Carol, who right now seemed to be too troubled to be able to handle the feelings she clearly had for her. Next to that, Therese still had to make sense of her own reaction to Carol. There was no doubt that from the moment their eyes had met at the terminal, she felt attracted to this incredibly elegant, intriguing woman. But from the start Carol had played a game of attracting and repelling, something that Therese found irritating and, she had to admit, at the same time exiting. 

Carol’s signals were nothing less than ambivalent: one moment she could be formal and distant, at others caring and passionate. Therese was still astounded about the intensity of their kiss in the garage, initiated by Carol. And what had just happened in the shower had left her in shock. Where at the time her body had ached for Carol’s touch, she now felt used. But Carol had fled before she had explained herself to Therese.

There was another knock. Tightening the belt of her robe, Therese walked to the door and opened it to let Carol in. 

Carol had changed into a casual pair of chino’s and a white button down shirt. Without make up and her hair pulled back in a simple ponytail she had never looked more understated to Therese. Now facing each other they both remained silent. Carol coughed nervously, bringing her hand to her forehead. Waiting for Carol to speak, Therese crossed her arms before her chest. Carol’s eyes met Therese’s.

“I, I must apologize … My behaviour just now.. it was inexcusable. I …” With her right hand she reached for Therese. 

Therese turned her back to her.

“Therese, please listen to me. I had no right to …’

“To just walk in and fuck me.” Carol winced at Therese’s intentional crudeness.

Therese turned around.

“Because that was what you did, Mrs. Aird. Nothing more, nothing less.”

She started to pace the room.

“Look Carol, I arrived here four days ago. Four days. During those days I have been confronted with I don’t know how many Carols. You have so many faces. I don’t know you, Carol. And you don’t know me. All I know is that there is this chemistry between us. But I’ll be back in New York in three days. So what do you want from me, except my body.” 

Sitting down on the couch Carol hid her face in her hands.

“If I only knew what I wanted, this would not have happened.” 

Her voice broke. Therese went to the fridge and took out a bottle of water. She filled a glass and handed it to Carol. Then she sat down next to her.

“Carol, you frightened me. Please tell me what happened.”

Hands shaking, Carol took a sip from her glass. Turning her eyes to Therese, she asked,

“Who’s Genevieve?”

“What?”

“The woman in the picture, who is she?” Carol waved her hand at the portfolio still lying on the table.

“What are you talking about?” 

Therese had not expected this question. Obviously Carol had leafed through the folders and had found the picture of her and Genevieve. 

“Is she your girlfriend?”

Therese felt her anger rise. Was it jealousy that had driven Carol?

“What is that to you?”

Carol shrugged.

“Nothing. I… I saw the picture of you two and it made me …”

“What ? What Carol?”

Therese’s anger made Carol realise she had to come clean.

“When I came here you were under the shower. I wanted to talk to you, tell you about my feelings for you, about how I don’t know what to do right now. Then I saw your pictures and found the one with you and Genevieve… I know this is no excuse for my behaviour, but Therese, if there is someone else in your life, then what’s the use of what I feel for you … What’s the use of my questioning my choices, my life with Harge and Rindy, because of you …”

Carol rose, wanting to leave. Therese grabbed her hand.

“Carol, wait. Please, sit down.”

Reluctantly, Carol once again sat next to her. 

“Genevieve and me, we’re friends. Loving friends, but we are no longer in a relationship.”

She felt Carol relax. Taking Carol’s face in her hands, Therese continued.

“But that is not relevant right now, Carol. It’s not important if I am in a relationship or not. What’s important is what is happening to you. I am just passing by, but somehow I have made you aware of your situation, have made you question your choices. And it is troubling you. That is what matters now, not if I am seeing someone else.” 

She forced Carol to look into her eyes.

“You need to sort this out. Don’t let things get out of hand, like you did today.”

Carol’s eyes were filled with tears.

“God… you’re right…”

She put her hands on Therese’s.

“Therese … Will you forgive me?”

Therese smiled, pleased that she had finally gotten through to Carol. 

“Yes, yes I will.”

Caressing Carol’s cheek she added:

“Don’t you know I can’t say “no” to you…”

Carol leaned into her caress and Therese felt the now familiar surge of desire flowing through her body. Gently she kissed Carol’s lips.

“You have to go now, get some sleep.”

Their lips lingered, but they both knew this was not the time to take this road. Carol rose.

“Thank you for listening, Therese.”

She went to the door, then turned.

“Thank you for everything.”

Therese blushed.

“Good night, darling.”


	13. Wednesday

Admiring the breathtaking view of the Wasatch Mountains, Therese smiled inwardly at the fact that she was actually standing next to the pitcher’s mound of Smith’s Ballpark, an official, minor league baseball stadium. She had been the pitcher of her high school softball team and she could still vividly remember her excitement when, intoxicated by the sun and the smell of freshly cut grass, she outsmarted the batters of the opposing team. And was there a more beautiful sound imaginable than the sound of the bat hitting the ball so perfectly it resulted in an impeccable homerun? 

Through her lens Therese watched Harge making his way to the pitcher’s mound to throw out the ceremonial first pitch of the Salt Lake Bees game against El Paso. Casually dressed in jeans and a Bees jacket and cap, Harge looked very much at ease with the players and officials surrounding him. Therese pointed her camera at one player in particular: a handsome, tall, blond young man who handed Harge his glove. Did they actually touch hands, or was she just imagining things now she knew Harge was gay? She nevertheless made a picture of both men. 

Therese’s thoughts still circled around her emotional talk with Carol the night before. After Carol had left, she had ravaged the refrigerator and had found a salad and some cheese but most importantly, a few cans of beer. Restless, she opened one of the cans, hoping the alcohol would calm her down. She could still feel Carol’s lips on hers, causing a strong longing. But she felt worried at the same time. She had forgiven Carol’s erratic behaviour, but it hurt her to see this cool, controlled woman unravel before her eyes. She had been right to let Carol see that most of all she had to sort her feelings out, to not let things get out of hand. 

It felt strange to be the one in control, to be the one to give support. Not only was Carol several years older, in relationships Therese had always avoided to become too emotionally involved. She would never give herself completely. It had made her reject Genevieve’s proposal to come with her to Cambridge. But with Carol is was different. Sighing, Therese emptied her first can, immediately opening the next. How was it possible that in only a few days she had fallen for this enigmatic, intelligent and beautiful but also troubled woman? She had succumbed so willingly to Carol’s surprising kiss in the garage, her bold touch when she unexpectedly turned up in the shower. Carol wanted her, she had left no doubts about that. But was she able to give up her life with Harge and Rindy? And at what price? Therese took another hefty swig of her beer, pacing around the small living room. In only two days she would return to New York. To her own surprise, she did not look forward to it.

To the cheers of the crowd Harge produced a neat curveball that landed perfectly in the catcher’s glove. Smiling broadly, he handed his glove back to the beaming blond player. Therese once again pressed the shutter when Harge put his arm around the young man’s shoulders. Yes, there definitely had to be something going on there. Making some more shots of Harge and his entourage while he returned to the side of the field, Therese wondered how Harge, and Carol, for that matter, managed to live a life that withheld so much from them.

“What did you think of the game? Do you like baseball?”

Taking his seat behind the wheel of his Lexus, Harge shot a glance at Therese who was adjusting her seatbelt. It took less trouble than the one in Carol’s Volvo, she noticed with a smile.

“I liked it. I played in my school softball team so it was fun being back on the field.”

Humming, Harge started the car. He would drive her back to the Foothill District, where he had to change and join Carol for a party at his parents’ house. It was a private party and Therese was relieved she would not have to come with them. 

Harge started to question her about her impressions of the past few days. 

“I’m curious what a sophisticated New Yorker like you thinks of life and politics here in the wild, wild west.”

He was obviously making fun of her. She shrugged, feeling ill at ease.

“I wasn’t sure what to expect, but I don’t think there are a lot of differences when it comes to politics.”

He remained silent, adjusting the rearview mirror. From the corner of her eye Therese followed his movements. In contrast to his easy manner, it was difficult to read this man. 

“What made you go into politics?”

Harge laughed.

“That’s an easy question. It’s a family tradition. My grandfather was Govenor of Utah and my father a member of the Utah Senate. I saw no reason to break that tradition, went to Stanford lawschool, worked for my father and became a Senator myself. “

Therese had a vision of a world filled with privilege. A men’s world.

“You make it sound very easy. What about your convictions?”

“I don’t know what you mean exactly, but I naturally share the values of the Utah Republicans.” 

She didn’t want to sound judgmental, but his irritated response suggested Harge was offended by her words. They remained silent for a few moments. Therese decided to follow another line of questioning. 

“Stanford. Is that where you met Carol?”

He smiled.

“Yes and no. Our parents were acquainted so we knew each other from Salt Lake City.”

He shifted gear, heading for the next exit of the highway.

“But we started dating at Stanford.”

Before she could start with her next question, Harge interrupted her.

“Do you have a boyfriend, Therese?”

Therese felt a tightening in her stomach. Of course he must be unaware of her feelings for Carol... Or did he sense something? 

“No. But my girlfriend and I split up a year ago.”

By emphasizing the word “girlfriend” she challenged him, making it clear that, unlike him, she was open about her sexual identity. 

“I see,” he smirked, seemingly unfazed. The car came to a standstill before a traffic light. Harge briefly put his hand on Therese’s knee.

“So tell me. Do you find my wife attractive?”

Therese shrugged, trying to ignore his innuendo.

“She is a beautiful woman.”

He laughed.

“You’re absolutely right, of course!”

The car in front of them pulled up and Harge resumed his driving. Therese shifted in her seat and felt the tension between them mount. What was he up to?

“You know, Therese, I love my wife. And I love our daughter. We are happy together.”

He was silent for a moment, as if to make certain she was listening to every word he was saying. Then he continued.

“Which is why I want you to leave my wife alone, Miss Belivet.”


	14. Thursday morning

Blinking against the bright sun and balancing a cup of coffee and her laptop in both hands, Therese carefully made her way to a shady place on the terrace of the big house. It was almost noon. She had spent her morning at the guesthouse, going through the by now impressive amount of photos she had made since her arrival last Saturday. She was pleased with the result: after she had arranged them by subject, she concluded that she had covered the different areas of Harge’s life quite well. Most pictures were shot during the official occasions: the fundraiser at the Eccles Theatre, Harge’s meeting with the Chamber of Commerce and his first pitch at the Ballpark. Therese especially liked the series she had made when Harge and Carol had read for the children of Nibley Park. They showed a lighter, more playful side of the usually serious politician.

Selecting the pictures that were more personal, depicting Harge’s private life, had been more difficult. Blushing, Therese noticed that, as the week progressed, she had increasingly concentrated on Carol, leaving Harge and Rindy out. She decided to select only a few of the photos that were solely of Carol and to focus on the one’s that showed the happy family of a father and mother doting on their adorable daughter. The pictures of Carol she put in a separate file, that she stored in her personal files on her laptop. 

Working on the photos had taken her mind of the conversation with Harge the day before. Furious, she kept hearing his arrogant voice, demanding that she leave Carol alone. Apart from the fact that he had no right to order her around, she wondered how he had come to this. She was certain Carol would not have told him about what was happening between them. Did this mean that it was all too obvious that she felt attracted to Carol and that Carol answered those feelings? And that Harge felt forced to defend what he considered to be his?

“Is it okay if I join you?”

Therese had not been aware of someone entering the terrace, but was relieved to see it was Abby. 

“Of course!” 

Therese retrieved her laptop that she had put on the chair beside her. Abby took off her cream coloured, linen blazer and draped it over the back of the chair.

“Taking a break?” Abby smiled and nodded at the laptop.

“Yes. I’ve been sorting through the pictures. I hope to present a suitable selection to Harge and Carol tomorrow that can be used for the campaign. Tonight I will make some last shots at the gala.”

Therese sighed. She was not looking forward to the gala, where no doubt Harge and Carol would present themselves once again as the happy, attractive power couple ready for Washington. Sensing Therese’s discomfort, Abby frowned.

“Therese, can I be frank with you?”

Surprised, Therese nodded. Abby cleared her throat before she continued.

“What are your intentions with Carol?”

As if stung by a bee Therese jumped from her chair. 

“Fuck, not again!” She walked to the edge of the terrace, followed by Abby who, alarmed, grabbed Therese’s arm.

“What do you mean?”

“Yesterday Harge had the nerve to ask me the same question. Or better, he made it clear I had to stay away from Carol.” 

Stunned, Abby fell silent. Therese agitatedly started to pace the terrace. 

“Why do I have to defend myself because I happen to fall for an attractive woman whom I have only just met? What gives Harge the right? What gives you the right?”

She now stood in front of Abby, who resisted backing away from Therese’s obvious anger. Instead she brought her hand to Therese’s face, forcing her to look at her.

“Because I care, Therese.”

Therese shrugged, feeling how her eyes filled with tears. Abby took her hand, leading her back to their chairs.

“Come, let’s sit down.”

Trembling, Therese took a sip of her now cold coffee. Abby waited until she put the cup down.

“Okay, now tell me what happened with Harge.”

Therese tried to gather her thoughts.

“Abby, first I think you must know that Carol has told me about the nature of her marriage, about how she and Harge …”

Abby looked stunned. Therese knowing about Carol’s greatest secret meant that things between them were much more serious than she would have guessed. Therese looked at the woman sitting next to her.

“Does that surprise you?”

“Well, yes. There are very few people who know this. Her telling you is … She must have great confidence in you to trust you with this.”

Therese blushed.

“It’s complicated.”

She sighed.

“Abby, I feel crazily attracted to her and I know she feels the same. But I don’t know how to be with her. One day she is cold and detached, the other day caring, loving even … Look, I know I’m messing up the well-ordered life she has with Harge and Rindy, I understand why Harge is warning me to stay away from Carol…

She hesitated.

“… I will even understand if Carol tells me to leave…”

“But she doesn’t …”Abby added.

Therese raised her hands, waving in the direction of the house.

“No, she doesn’t.”

Abby’s heart went out to the confused young woman next to her. She knew how difficult if not impossible it was to read Carol’s intricate and sometimes outright erratic behaviour.

“Therese, I can see that you understand the complicated situation that Carol is in right now.”

She reached for her bag and took out her cigarettes. Lighting one for Therese and herself she continued.

“And it is complicated. I know that Carol genuinely cares for you. Actually, she cares for you so much that for the first time she is questioning her choices, questioning her life with Harge and Rindy.”

Abby took a large drag of her cigarette.

“You must know that until two years ago there have been other women, but Carol never let them come close enough to disrupt her feelings or her secure life. With you it’s different. I’ve never seen her like this, seen this longing in her. And knowing her so well, Harge must have seen it too.”

Therese listened intently to the woman she knew was closer to Carol than anybody else. She was relieved that now she could talk about Carol, about the intensity of their feelings for each other. 

“You must be right about Harge. And thank you for being so frank with me. I’m glad I can talk to you. But I must admit I still don’t know what to do, what to expect from Carol.”

Abby smiled. Poor girl.

“I think you have done very well, up till now. Carol may be bewildered, but I have never seen her so alive, so passionate for a very long time. Most of all she needs time to process what is happening right now, time to understand her feelings and to weigh the consequences. Don’t pressure her but while you’re still here, make her aware of your presence, your feelings, your thoughts. That may not be easy, especially because Harge will be there. But she loves a fight and she will respect you for it.”

Therese shrugged nervously, feeling a growing excitement in her stomach. Would she be able to assert herself, to make Carol aware of her with Harge present? She touched Abby’s shoulder. 

“Will you be at the gala, tonight?”

Abby nodded reassuringly.

“Of course. I will be right behind you.”  
__________________________________________

Abby left soon after her talk with Therese, leaving her behind at the terrace, brooding. Their conversation had surprised her. Therese had revealed that Carol had let her in on her secret. And by doing so Therese had also revealed the depth of their feelings for each other, leaving no doubt that they were a force to be reckoned with. Abby now realised that Carol faced the perhaps most important decision of her life. She decided to try and help her friend with making this decision. 

In the car she reached for her bag and took out her IPhone. She scrolled to Carol’s number. After some deliberation she wrote a short text.

“Harge knows about her.”

Then she pressed “send”.


	15. Thursday evening, part 1

Looking in the full length mirror of the ladies room, Carol for the last time checked her striking, black skirted, floral embroidered McQueen dress. She wore her soft, blonde hair up and had added a pair of diamond earrings she had inherited from her grandmother. She hated being here, once again at the Eccles Theatre, but now for the Governor’s gala. She knew that tonight all eyes would be focused on her, the lovely wife of the future Utah Senator in Washington.

She had received Abby’s text when she was at the hairdresser. Unable to call Abby right away, Carol had contemplated the impact of her message. How was it possible that Harge knew about Therese? She had not given away anything. But then she remembered Saturday night and Harge’s knowing smile when he had caught her staring at the young photographer, who had unabashedly returned her gaze. 

There had been affairs before, of course, something she had always been clear about to Harge. He had never objected, like she had never worried about his casual flings with his young men, like the Bees player he was currently seeing. Knowing what was at stake, they were both very discreet, never letting an affair come between their marriage and ambitions. But this situation with Therese was different, something Harge, knowing her so well, must have sensed. Had he talked about it to Abby? How could she know about his suspicions? 

At last, after what had seemed like an eternity at the hairdresser’s, she had been able to call her best friend. Abby answered at the first ring.

“How does he know.” 

Carol had no patience for pleasantries. 

“And good morning to you too, dear friend.”

Abby chuckled, then became serious.

“I don’t know, but he has put pressure on Therese, demanding her to leave you alone.”

Carol cursed. 

“Goddammit, how dare he to harass her like that!” 

Her feelings for Therese had already thrown her life upside down, had made her question everything that up till now had been dear to her. The realization that Harge now knew, or at least suspected that there was something going on between Therese and her, made her feel the strain even more. But most of all she was furious that Harge, by pushing Therese, was trying to directly interfere, without giving her the opportunity first to speak to him. They had always been open to each other, talking things through before making a shared decision about matters both public and personal. She would have talked to him about Therese, once she was able to make her feelings and intentions clear. But by putting pressure on Therese now, he had crossed the line of their carefully built, mutual understanding. 

Frustrated, Carol searched her bag for her cigarettes.

“I’m not letting him interfere like this with my life!”

She lit a cigarette, inhaled deeply.

“God Abby, what am I to do. She’s leaving on Saturday.”

Abby smiled at how for the second time that day she had to answer this question.

“Well … Do you want her?”

Carol shivered, feeling her body react to the memory of the intensity of their kisses, of Therese’s willing response when she touched her in the shower. 

“You know I do.”

Abby’s advice was simple:

“Then go for her.”  
_________________________________________________________

Still in front of the mirror, Carol sighed. “Going for” Therese was easier said than done, with Harge and the entire political establishment present. And it had been years since she had actually courted a woman, probably when she was still at Harvard. Yes, Therese felt attracted to her, but Carol realized that through her erratic behaviour these past few days she was giving off very mixed signs. How could she convince the young photographer that she was ready to explore the meaning of their attraction?

The door of the ladies room opened, startling Carol.

“Ah, there you are!” Jeannette, her PA, entered the room, carrying a folder that contained the speech Carol was to give later that evening in honour of Harge. 

“Are you ready?”

Carol recovered herself and smiled, instantly putting on her mask of the cool, collected politician’s wife. 

“Of course.”

Together they walked to the foyer, where most of the guests had already assembled. Carol involuntarily searched for Therese, who would once again be there to follow Harge and her around. When she finally spotted her, near the tribune where the Governor would give the opening speech, she felt a jolt of desire. Therese had traded her customary black dress for a suit that perfectly fitted her slim, lithe body. Inspired by a tuxedo, it was black with velvet piping along the lapels of the jacket and the seam of the tight trousers, that ended above a pair of black velvet heels. Underneath, she wore a white, silk blouse that demurely closed with a bow. Carol’s eyes focused on Therese’s hair, that was tightly bound in a knot. She had never seen her with her hair up and was delighted by the understated elegance she radiated. 

Therese caught Carol’s stare and slowly walked towards her, mesmerized by her beautiful appearance. 

“Mrs. Aird …” She smiled, a half smile, while looking into those crystal eyes that instantly turned into a darker shade of blue. 

“Miss Belivet … you look …” Carol brought her hand up to the velvet of Therese’s lapel, stroking it slowly. She held Therese’s gaze, seeing the same desire that consumed her.

“wonderful …” 

Their bodies seemed to gravitate to each other, as if controlled by a force hidden deep within them. Suddenly they both felt an arm closing around their waist, waking them up from their silent exchange.

“Ladies, what a pleasure!” Abby beamed, enjoying the sight of the two beautiful women who only had eyes for each other. She smiled inwardly, certain her intervention earlier that day had succeeded. She waved with her hand to the Govenor, who was taking his place behind the microphone. 

“But duty calls, I’m afraid.”

Abby took Carol’s arm, guiding her to the table that was reserved for Harge and his entourage. Smiling, Therese could not resist pointing her camera at the two friends as they took their seats next to each other, sitting close and whispering into each other’s ears like conspirators.


	16. Thursday evening, part 2

This was not to be his evening, Harge concluded. Most of the time he enjoyed being at the heart of the buzz of a political meeting or the excitement of a social event like tonight’s gala. But this evening he felt unusually tense. Surely, his wife was sitting beside him, looking more beautiful and spirited than he had seen her for a long time. And he was surrounded by his trusted assistants, Richard, as ever annoyingly sticky, included. But his thoughts were somewhere else. 

He was acutely aware of Therese’s continuous presence. How he regretted following Richard’s idea to invite a photographer to capture his life as the ambitious, upcoming politician! But of course he couldn’t have known that Fred would send this attractive, strong headed young woman. As he couldn’t have known that Carol would be enthralled by this same woman. 

Harge sighed, remembering his talk with Therese in his car. He was ashamed now, knowing he shouldn’t have put this pressure on her. It was unlike him to bully people. But he had to admit that he felt threatened by the frail, seemingly vulnerable girl, who challenged his and Carol’s way of life. Therese had remained silent after he had uttered his warning that she must leave Carol alone. Unable to read her mind, he had concentrated on his driving, his hands clenching the wheel. 

The music from the big band that filled the spaces between the various speeches, stopped. Harge knew it was Carol’s turn now to speak to the assembled guests. Usually she would have shown him her speech beforehand to make certain that he agreed with its contents. But this time she had refrained from that. Did she know about his threat to Therese? He now realized he had not spoken to her today aside from the few pleasantries they had exchanged when she joined him at the Eccles Theatre. Did he have to worry about the words she was now about to speak?

Carol rose, gathering her black skirt around her to walk to the microphone. Therese was there, turning her camera on Carol’s smiling face. Harge cringed when he saw how Carol winked at the young photographer before she turned to the audience. 

“Mr. and Madam Governor, ladies and gentlemen. I first met Harge Aird when I was five. We were both at the birthday party of Marjorie, one of my classmates. She was my best friend and he her elder brother. Harge was obviously bored to be at a party with only shrieking, five year old girls so he amused himself by chasing after us with his bow and arrow. But today, I know he is actually quite a nice guy …”

Harge saw how Carol smiled, giving the audience time to laugh at her little joke. She had used it before and Harge hoped she would now continue to their time together at Harvard and the start of his political career. She did. Relieved that she seemed to choose the beaten track, he relaxed a bit. But a few minutes later, when Carol was nearing the end of her speech, he sat up in his chair. There was a sudden change in Carol’s tone of voice.

“Harge…” She stopped, then turned to him.

“… we have worked together for fifteen years to arrive at the exciting place where we are now. You are my best friend and the father of our wonderful daughter Rindy. A lot of things are happening in our lives right now and I don’t know what the future will bring for us. But I want you to keep an open mind, to believe in yourself and to go with the change that will invariably come. And know, that I will always be there for you.” 

She was handing him a personal message, but in a way that the audience, thinking she was referring to the changes a life in Washington would bring, did not notice it. Harge knew she was telling him they could not go on like this. Their eyes locked. Harge saw affection in Carol’s eyes but also a silent plea to let her go. He nodded almost imperceptibly, then stood up and joined the others to applaud her.

_________________________________ 

“Darling, that was a magnificent speech.”

Abby took Carol’s hand when she approached the table to take her seat. 

“Come, let’s get out of here.”

Carol followed her friend to one of the terraces. Leaning against the parapet she accepted one of Abby’s cigarettes. 

“Do you think he really understood what I was saying?”

Abby’s smile was hidden behind the smoke of her cigarette.

“I’m certain. And if he doesn’t he’ll have to deal with me.”

Carol sighed.

“I hope I’m doing the right thing. In a way I feel sorry for him.”

Abby touched her arm, trying to reassure her.

“Carol, you’re doing fine. He’s a kind man, I think he will understand, even though it will take some time.”

Through the open doors they could hear that the band had started playing again. Abby got rid of her cigarette and reached for Carol’s hand. 

“Come on, let’s dance!”

Hand in hand they went back to the foyer. There were already several pairs on the floor, enjoying the orchestra’s swinging fifties songs sung by a young, red haired woman dressed in what looked like a vintage, pink cocktail dress. 

“It’s a Quick Step. You lead.” Carol waited until Abby, with a slight bow, invited her to follow her. Both daughters of well to do parents, Carol and Abby had had dancing lessons when they were teenagers and they were still able to dance a decent Quick Step or Waltz if necessary. After a few somewhat clumsy steps, their bodies adjusted to the rhythm and they became part of the swirling group on the dancefloor. Carol felt a lightness settle in her body, something she had not experienced for a long time. Speaking to Harge, albeit in a covert way, had given her room to breathe again.

They had circled the foyer two times when they suddenly came to a stop. Beaming, Abby let go of Carol, turning her to face the person who had crossed the dancefloor to join them. 

“Carol, will you do me the honour?”

With a serious face Therese held out her hand. Surprised, Carol reached for her and felt how Therese put her right arm around her waist. Though considerably smaller, Therese evidently was going to lead in this dance. 

As if on cue, and Carol saw Abby smiling mischievously, the music changed to a much slower tune and after a few chords the singer started, singing in a lowered voice.

“The night is like a lovely tune,”

“Do you know this song?” Therese hoped Carol would recognize the old Margaret Whiting song.

“My foolish heart…” Carol answered. She raised her eyebrows. “This is no coincidence, is it?”

Therese smiled apologetically.

“You will have to ask Abby.”

They started to move, easily falling into the slow rhythm of the song, that had attracted more pairs that were dancing close. At first Therese allowed some distance between their bodies, but after a few steps she gently pulled Carol closer. They were hardly aware of the eyes that by now were following them. 

“There’s a line between love and fascination, that’s hard to see, on an evening such as this,”

“You dance well. I did not expect that of someone of your generation.” Carol looked down at the woman who firmly steered her through the other dancers. Therese shrugged.

“As you once said, I am full of surprises.”

“Her lips, are much too close to mine, beware, my foolish heart,”

Carol felt how Therese tightened her grip and lowering her head she whispered:

“I could kiss you right now…”

Therese blushed, feeling Carol’s breath on her ear. 

“I don’t think that’s wise…”

Carol chuckled.

“You’re probably right.”

They were quiet for a while, their bodies moving close, united in this dance and their growing desire for each other. 

“For this time, it isn’t fascination, or a dream that will fade and fall apart… It’s love, this time it’s love, my foolish heart.”

Therese moved her hand to touch Carol’s face.

“I want you, Carol. Sleep with me tonight.”

It took all Carol’s willpower not to stop but to keep dancing and not take Therese in her arms and kiss her. Over Therese’s shoulder, she saw Harge looking at them, his face a taut mask. Carol closed her eyes, knowing she had to make a decision. But her doubts were no longer there. Resting her chin on Therese’s hair she murmured:

“Yes.”


	17. Friday morning

A shrill sound jerked Therese from a dreamless sleep. Cursing, she searched for her phone on the nightstand. She answered it just before it switched to voicemail.

“Good morning, sunshine!” Dannie’s voice sounded way too cheerful. Therese groaned.

“Not now, Dannie.” 

“Not up yet? Do you know what time it is, even in Uuuutaaah.” 

“Oh, shut up, loser.”

Dannie laughed, undeterred by his friend’s cranky reply. 

“Ah, let me guess… Madame is not alone!” 

In spite of her initial grumpy reaction, Therese now smiled into the phone.

“Indeed, so will you please hang up?” 

He whistled admiringly, but gave in to her plea. 

“OK, but call me later, you lucky dog.”

Therese switched off the phone and gently laid it down again, trying not to wake the woman lying next to her. In her sleep Carol looked younger, untroubled, vulnerable. With her finger Therese carefully traced the fine lines that circled her eyes. Like this, without makeup and her ever elegant clothes, Carol was even more beautiful to her. 

They had not left the gala together. Carol and Harge were expected at a late supper with the Governor and his wife, so Therese was taken back to the guesthouse by Jeannette. Once inside, she had cleared the small apartment and changed the sheets of the bed. After that she had exchanged her suit for a t-shirt and tight jeans. Then there was nothing else to do but wait.

It was way past midnight when Therese, by then convinced Carol would not come to her after all, heard a soft knock on the door. She had left the door ajar and when Carol entered Therese had crossed the room in only a few strides, taking the blond woman, now dressed in a simple white shirt and chinos, in her arms. 

“Thank God, you’re here. I was so afraid you had changed your mind.”

Holding her close, Carol rested her chin on Therese’s hair.

“I’m so sorry. It was impossible to get away earlier.”

It had taken all her self-control to sit through the supper, to be, even now, the charming wife of the young and ambitious senator-to-be. She could sense Harge’s unease, but he too had managed to stick to his part. 

Afterwards, sitting in the back seat of the Governor’s car that would bring them home, they had both been quiet. It was only when they neared the house that Harge had put his hand on her arm, saying,

“Carol, we need to talk.”

She had touched his hand briefly, as if to comfort him.

“I know. But please, not now. Not tonight.”

He nodded, knowing she would speak with him when she was ready for it.

__________________________________ 

Therese caressed Carol’s forehead and then sifted with her fingers through her lustrous, blond curls. How was it possible that Carol was with her, here in this bed? They had only known each other for a short time. How could they be so sure about this? Therese was still astounded by the force of their feelings and the intensity of their lovemaking, of which her body now bore the visible marks. 

Their initial embrace had seamlessly turned into a deep and passionate kiss that had sent shockwaves through their bodies. Therese had slowly undressed Carol, then leading her to the bedroom, where the bedside lamp cast a soft light on the white sheets. Sitting on the bed, she drew Carol down, astride her. Trembling, Carol rested her head on Therese’s shoulder, clinging to her in anticipation of her hand that slowly made its way from her breasts to her inner thighs, finding the wetness there, enveloping her fingers. Carol gasped when Therese entered her, her body eagerly responding to the swift thrusts that soon carried her to the edge … and over it.

Therese lowered Carol to the bed, an arm around her shoulder, gently putting a pillow under her head. Carol’s hand closed around Therese’s wrist when she started to withdraw her fingers that were still inside her.

“No, please stay.”

With her other hand she pulled Therese’s face to her to look into the emerald eyes that were filled with desire.

“I’ve wanted you to do this to me ever since we first kissed.”

Therese smiled, teasingly moving her hand, making Carol gasp again.

“Is that so, Mrs. Aird? Would you like me to do it again?”

Carol closed her eyes.

“God, yes.”

And Therese had humoured her, firmly taking possession of her writhing body by stroking and kissing it until her mouth joined her hand and found and tasted the essence that was Carol.

Afterwards they lay in each other’s arms, savouring this newfound intimacy, until Carol noticed that Therese was still in her jeans and t-shirt. Rolling her over onto her back, she pressed Therese into the mattress and straddled her legs. Therese held her breath, mesmerized by the almost luminescent beauty of the woman who had given herself to her so willingly.

“You are so beautiful.”

Carol smiled, a shy smile. She brought her hand to Therese’s eyes, covering them.

”Only for you.” 

With her other hand Carol reached for the waistband of Therese’s jeans, slipping under it. Therese felt Carol’s hand move slowly in the tight space between the soft flesh of her belly and the fabric of her jeans and underwear. She moaned, her hips rising, desperately wanting Carol to touch her. 

“Carol, please…”

Carol stopped, gently stroking soft tufts of hair. 

“Mm. What did you say?”

Therese grunted.

“Take me. Please take me.”

“By all means, Miss Belivet.”

Slowly entering her, Carol chuckled, determined to make Therese want her, and her alone.

__________________________

In her sleep, Carol stirred and shifted, her naked back now turned to Therese. With her hand, Therese traced the marks she had left on Carol’s shoulders. Carol had been a tender lover, eager and thoughtful, at times a tease. This unexpected playfulness had enchanted Therese, making her aware of yet another side of this complex woman.

She was acutely aware of the fact that she would have to go back to New York tomorrow, leaving Carol and whatever existed between them behind. Where would they go from here? How did she fit into Carol’s life? Could Carol be a part of hers? What did Carol want, now that they had shared this night, finally giving in to the strong physical attraction that had consumed them from the moment their eyes had met in the airport terminal? 

She sighed, knowing they would have to talk later that day. But for now she wanted to savour this moment and the comfort of her saturated body, the softness of the sheets that smelled of their lovemaking, the sunlight that fell on the hair of her beautiful lover, setting it on fire. Yawning, she shifted her body, putting her arm around Carol, pulling her close and hiding her nose in the soft hairs in her neck. For now, Therese just wanted to be happy.


	18. Friday afternoon, part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while ...My next posts will be quicker.

Standing under the shower, enjoying the heat of the water that slowly rinsed away the traces of their lovemaking, Carol thought of Therese. Never before had being with another woman given her so much pleasure, such fulfilment. Their bodies had matched perfectly and the instant trust between them had made it natural for Carol to signal her needs and to show her vulnerability, something she had always avoided in the fleeting affairs that constituted her love life since her marriage to Harge. Therese had eagerly answered to those needs, in return giving herself without restraint.

It had almost been noon when they finally had been able to leave each other’s arms. Standing next to the bed that during the night they had turned into a mess of rumpled sheets and scattered pillows, they both laughed. 

“My God, we’ve been … enthusiastic…”

Carol’s voice betrayed the many emotions their night together had woken in her. Therese smiled, wrapping her arms around her tall lover, pressing her slender body against her once again.

“I liked it…”

Carol raised her eyebrows.

“Liked it? Is that all you can say?”

She started to tickle Therese, who tried to wriggle herself out of her grip.

“Okay, okay! I loved it!”

Therese took Carol’s face in her hands, kissing her firmly until she stopped teasing her and gave in to her embrace.

Carol turned off the tap and stepping out of the shower wrapped herself in her checked robe. She had left Therese soon after they had been able to detach themselves from the bedroom. She needed to prepare herself for lunch with Harge. He had texted her earlier that morning, asking her to join him at a quiet restaurant outside the city. She had accepted his invitation, knowing they would have to talk about the changes that were taking place in their lives at such breathtaking speed.

She felt more alive than she had in ages. Her body was still on fire from the lovemaking with Therese. But it was more than that. It was as if her mind was liberated. Free from the expectations and conventions that had dominated her life for so long now. She had become aware of new, unexpected possibilities. And, and here Carol smiled, Therese made her laugh, making her rediscover her playful side that had been hidden for a long time. 

Standing in front of her wardrobe to select a dress suitable for what no doubt would be one of the hardest conversations of her life, Carol sighed. She did not want to hurt Harge or bring their life with Rindy in jeopardy. But she realised she had already taken the first steps to a future that did not include them in the way they were accustomed to. There was, she knew, no turning back.  
____________________________________

Harge Aird could hardly hide his anxiety while he waited for his wife. He had arrived early at the small restaurant, one of Carol’s favourite places. It would have to do as the décor of the conversation he already dreaded when they were driven home the night before. 

That morning, although he knew he would not find her there, he had gone to Carol’s bedroom. After his knock there indeed had been no answer, but he had opened the door anyway. Entering, he felt like an intruder. He looked around the subtly decorated room, noticing the neatly folded quilt on the bed that clearly had not been slept in. Slung over the chair of her dressing table was the beautiful dress she had worn at the Governor’s gala. She had changed before she went over to the guesthouse, he concluded. 

Softly he sat down on the bed, his hand caressing the softness of the satin sheets. He had never spent the night in this room. But he could still remember the times, now more than ten years ago, that he had been with Carol in this bed to perform the act that would hopefully make them parents. It had been awkward at times, but they had been able to laugh about it too, helped no doubt by the drinks they both needed before they had been able to get to the point. He would never regret those bewildering but also tender encounters. They had given them Rindy, after all. 

“Mr. Aird …?” 

Harge felt a hand on his shoulder, arousing him from his thoughts about his clandestine visit to Carol’s bedroom. The maitre d’h coughed discreetly.

“Your wife has arrived.”

Harge rose from his chair to see his wife graciously make her way through the restaurant, making several heads turn, both male and female. Noticing him, she smiled nervously. He waited until she arrived at the table and the maitre d’h pulled her chair out for her. Only after she was seated, did Harge sit down again. 

“Always the true gentleman.” 

Carol touched his sleeve to thank him for his courtesy. He looked at her hand: he had always admired its light skin, the long, elegant fingers with their carefully clipped nails. Her hands were like her personality: strong, full of willpower, but sometimes also showing anxiety, a slight tremor even when her emotions took over. Through his sleeve he could now feel her nervous grip. He put his hand on hers.

“Thank you for coming.”

They exchanged some pleasantries while they ordered and waited for the maitre d’h to pour their wine. It had a soothing effect on both of them, and also made it easier for Harge to open with the confession that he had visited her bedroom earlier that day.

“I went to your room this morning, but you were not there.”

He saw how a blush coloured her cheeks.

“No, I…” She hesitated, then decided to be honest with him. “I was with Therese.”

Her eyes, shy and defiant at the same time, sought his. He blinked, then lowered his gaze to the glass in his hand.

“What can I say.”

He took a sip of his wine, then returned his gaze to Carol, who was still looking at him.

“Are you in love with her?”

This time she did not hesitate.

“Yes, yes I am.” 

He had prepared himself for this answer, but he was still overwhelmed by its significance. In all their honesty and simplicity Carol’s words meant that he could no longer take his carefully built career as an ambitious, promising politician and most of all his harmonious life with Carol and Rindy for granted. He remembered how during her speech at the Governor’s gala Carol had made it clear that they could not go on like this. Wincing, he searched for words, trying to give expression to the great uncertainty that was triggered by Carol’s confession.

Aware of the pain her words caused, Carol felt her heart go out to the man who had been her companion for so many years. She grabbed his hand. 

“Harge…”

“Please… don’t!”

He freed his hand from her grip, bringing it to his forehead, trying to hide the tears that were blinding his eyes. Just then the waiter brought their plates, unaware of the exchange that had made the air between them heavy with emotions. Carol waited until the man, after he had refilled their glasses and wished them a good meal, retreated. 

“Harge, I want you to know that I did not seek this. But what happens with Therese, it’s… it’s what I want. I don’t know where it will lead me, but I do know that I cannot go on with my life as it is now.” 

Until then Harge had most of all been bewildered by Carol’s words, but now he felt a growing anger mingle with his initial grief. He clenched his fists.

“You cannot decide that on your own, Carol. What about me, what about Rindy, our careers, the election? And all because of this … thing, this fling with a young girl you hardly know. Forget her! She’ll be gone tomorrow, anyway.”

He pushed away his plate and signalled the waiter to refill his glass. Carol put down her knife and fork, trying to remain calm. 

“Listen to me Harge. You know me well enough to realize that I’m not acting on a whim. And I am well aware of the arrangement that exists between us. You must believe me when I say that I will do everything in my power not to hurt you and Rindy. But things must change …”

Once again she grabbed his hand, forcing him to look at her.

“And I need your help in achieving that.”

His eyes shot fire.

“Well, that’s bold, Carol...”, he sneered.

“You just want me to destroy everything that I care for …”

Nodding, Carol did not flinch.

“Yes Harge, that’s exactly what I want you to do.”


	19. Friday afternoon, part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short chapter, to let you know that I'm still here... Life's a little bit too hectic, right now.

Checking her phone for the third time Therese wondered if Harge Aird was actually still planning to come. Their meeting at his office at Utah State Capitol was scheduled at 5 PM, but by now it was almost 5.30. Therese knew that Carol had talked with Harge over lunch, earlier that day. Perhaps their conversation had made him decide to skip the appointment with the woman whose arrival had turned his and the life of his wife upside down.

Her laptop with the selection from the many photos she had made earlier that week lay in front of her, carefully placed between the other items on Harge’s impressive mahogany desk. Therese was proud of her work. Even though her time at Salt Lake City had turned into an unexpected emotional rollercoaster, she had succeeded in composing a characteristic and positive image of the professional and private life of the Utah Senator and his family. But she also realized that, given the circumstances, it was unlikely the pictures would still be used for Harge’s campaign. 

Therese had not considered cancelling the appointment herself. She owed it to her senior editor Fred Wilson who had trusted her with this assignment. But most of all she wanted to show Harge that she was not afraid of him, that she was not afraid to tell him that she had fallen in love with his wife. 

Frowning, she wondered if “fallen in love” were the right words to describe her feelings for Carol. Yes, their physical attraction was unmistakable, but the same could be said about their differences. The contrasts between them were manifold: in lifestyle, in politics, in age. There was the problem of geography: the distance between New York and Salt Lake City was, literally, not easy to overcome. And most of all: Carol was a mother. Therese had never before considered the presence of a child in her life.

She was startled out of her musings by the sound of a voice in the corridor.

“I’ll see her now,” Harge called to his secretary, opening the door. Therese got up from her chair.

“Therese, please sit down …”

Harge crossed the room and positioned himself in the big leather chair behind his desk. Not looking at her he waved his hand in the direction of her laptop.

“So, what have you got for me?”

Not apologizing for the fact that he was late, he came straight to the point. Therese shrugged, if he wanted to be all business, she could play that game too. She opened the file on her laptop and clicked through the photos. The selection started with a picture of Harge speaking to his staff before the fundraising dinner on Saturday, Carol at his side, smiling. Then she showed him several images of himself frolicking with the children of Nibley Park, throwing the first pitch at the Bees game, sternly addressing the Chamber of Commerce, having a homely dinner with Carol and Rindy. He watched silently and didn’t comment on the images. Until the last one appeared on the screen.

“What the hell …!”

Harge’s voice cracked when his eyes focused on a photo Therese had shot on the baseball field. It showed him with his arm around the shoulders of the handsome young player who had lent him his glove. Smiling, the two men glanced at each other, a tender glance that left no doubt about the intimacy that clearly existed between them. 

“Who is he?” Therese asked, matter-of-factly. “Your boyfriend, no doubt?”

Her face showing no emotions, she calmly registered how Harge lost control. He shot out of his chair and started to pace the room, stuffing his clenched fists into the pockets of his gray trousers. He kicked against the waste paper basket, then turned to Therese.

“What do you want, Miss Belivet?”

Your wife, directly went through her head. She smiled inwardly.

“What do you mean?”

“Do you want money?”

Standing very close he tried to intimidate her. Unimpressed, she looked into his eyes.

“I don’t want your money.”

He shrugged, not believing her. 

“Listen Harge, I just want you to take a look at your life. At your marriage with Carol, that is based on a lie. At your political career, that you chose just because it was expected of you. At your affairs with men, hidden from the public eye. I want you to look at who you really are.” 

She pointed at the laptop.

“Tell me, is this really what you want, Mr. Aird?”

Harge winced. Through gritted teeth he managed to whisper. 

“Get out…”

Therese got up from her chair, stuffing her laptop into her rucksack. Seeing Harge tremble, she felt no triumph. 

“I don’t want to hurt you, Harge, but …"

He grabbed her arm and dragged her to the door.

“Get … out …!”

She went, softly closing the door behind her. And it was only then that he allowed the tears to flow that had been inside him ever since his conversation with Carol at the restaurant. Like Therese, Carol had also said she did not want to hurt him. But the pain he now felt was more than real.

He returned to his desk and slumped down in his chair. Wiping his nose he reached for the telephone and called his secretary. 

“Ruby, would you please cancel my other appointments?”

“But sir, …”

“Cancel them.”

And then there was nothing else than to confront the chaos that was now his life. Terrified, he sighed, not knowing where to begin.


	20. Friday evening

“She’s lovely,” 

Abby whispered in Carol’s ear, handing her a dry martini. Sitting next to each other on the comfortable couch in Abby’s living room, they watched how Therese tried to explain the intricacies of using a digital camera to an excited Rindy. 

“Yes, she is …”

Carol smiled, a smile that showed the wonder she still felt about this beautiful young woman who so unexpectedly had entered her life to turn it upside down. Abby cast a sideway glance at her friend.

“Carol … you’re blushing!” 

Carol took a quick sip of her drink to hide her embarrassment. Then she looked Abby in the eyes.

“I.. I’ve never felt like this.”

Abby touched her arm.

“Darling, it’s okay. I’m very happy for you.”

They were quiet for a while, both contemplating the possible implications of this new development in Carol’s life. They had no doubts about the continuation of their close friendship. It had survived the breakup of their brief affair, Carol’s marriage to Harge and several of Abby’s passionate but in the end unfulfilling flings. It would be different though, Abby mused, especially if Carol decided to move to New York to be with Therese. She reached for her cigarettes, lying on the low coffee table in front of her, and decided this was not the moment to worry about what might happen. 

Therese and Rindy went outside into the large garden to take some photos of Gertrude and Alice, Abby’s two dachshunds that were expertly ravaging one of the lush borders. Before she stepped through the French doors leading to the terrace, Therese turned to smile and wink at Carol, who once again blushed vehemently. Amused, Abby approvingly assessed Therese’s receding figure. 

“By the way, did you sleep with her?”

“Abby!” 

With a bang Carol put down her empty glass on the coffee table, trying to put an end to Abby’s prying questions. Unimpressed, Abby surreptitiously refilled Carol’s glass. She knew how she could make her talk.

“Don’t tell me you didn’t. I saw you swooning over her, last night at the gala.”

Her words brought Carol back to her slow dance with Therese and how she had just barely stopped herself from kissing her right there, under the eyes of Utah’s entire political establishment. She decided to humour Abby, knowing there was no way she could stop her from questioning her until she would spill the beans. 

“Yes, I did sleep with her.” 

Abby wiggled her eyebrows suggestively. 

“And, how was it?”

Carol slapped her hand. Outside the two little dogs were barking excitedly while they were chased by Rindy, Therese’s camera in hand. Smiling, Carol watched the cheerful chaos. Then she turned to the woman still sitting next to her.

“It was … wonderful.”

Abby felt a sting of resentment, something she would never admit to Carol. Although their affair had been brief, she still felt her body ache for the beautiful woman she was still happy to call her friend. It had been Carol’s choice to end their relationship, a painful decision that had crushed Abby, who had been deeply in love with her, prepared to share her life with her. Now, she would have to get used to this bittersweet feeling caused by seeing Carol in love like this. She decided it was better to steer the conversation away from the physical relationship between Carol and Therese. 

“So, what’s next? Have you talked to her?”

Carol sighed and reached for Abby’s cigarettes, prying one from the package.

“Not yet …”

Frowning, Abby handed her her lighter, a gold vintage Ronson she had inherited from her father. 

“She is leaving tomorrow...”

Inhaling the smoke from her now lit cigarette, Carol nodded.

“What are you going to say to her?”

“I don’t know yet…”

Abby laughed.

“Come on Carol, I know you well enough to be certain that you have come to some sort of conclusion about her.”

When Carol did not answer right away, she continued.

“What did you tell Harge?”

Carol shifted, reaching for the ashtray. Reluctantly, she remembered Harge’s hurt look, his barely concealed tears, his eventual anger.

“I told him that I have slept with Therese. That I am in love with her... "

Abby remained silent, waiting for Carol to continue.

“I have also told him that although I don’t know where this thing with Therese will lead to, I do not want to go on with my life as it is now.” 

She stubbed out her cigarette, as if to give more emphasis to her words. Abby whistled softly.

“How did he take it?”

Carol smiled, a sad smile.

“Not well. But I didn’t expect it differently.”

She looked at Rindy who was by now lying on her stomach, her camera directed at one of the flowers that miraculously had survived the wrangling by the two dogs. Therese sat next to her, on her knees, with her left hand leaning on Rindy’s back. Carol was struck by the ease with which daughter and Therese interacted. She saw it as a good sign, a further encouragement to explore where the road of this new connection with Therese would lead her. She took Abby’s hand.

“Tonight, I will tell Therese that I want to go on seeing her. That I want to get to know her better. And that I hope that, although I will bring a lot of complicated matters into her life, she will want that too.”

Abby squeezed her hand.

“I’m sure she will,” she said reassuringly.


	21. Saturday morning

Casting one last look at the snowcapped Utah mountains, Therese readjusted her chair, trying to get more comfortable. She badly needed to sleep after the two virtually sleepless nights she had spent with Carol. She smiled. Although after those long hours filled with talking and making love her body felt bruised and tired, she was crazily, intensely happy. 

After dinner at Abby’s country house Carol and Therese had returned to the Foothill, leaving Rindy to spend the weekend with her godmother. Only after she had promised for the fifth time that she would e-mail the photos Rindy had made, had Therese been able to disentangle herself from the girl’s tight embrace. She ruffled Rindy’s hair.

“Don’t worry, I’ll e-mail them as soon as I get home.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

Rindy looked at her inquisitively.

“Will you be back here soon?” 

“I don’t know, sweetie.” 

It was not easy to withstand those clear blue eyes that reminded Therese so much of Carol’s.

“Pleeeaassseee, Therese? ”

Therese shrugged and involuntarily searched Carol’s eyes. Carol smiled and nodded almost imperceptibly, making Therese’s heart skip a beat. Their brief exchange naturally remained not unnoticed to Abby. 

“I’m sure she will.” she said dryly, taking Rindy’s hand. “And now I am sending your mother and Therese away, because I want to have my goddaughter all to myself.”

Driving back to the Aird estate, Therese and Carol had both been quiet, enjoying the intimacy of the Volvo’s rugged interior. Her hand on Carol’s thigh, Therese recalled their first drive together, only a week ago. 

“You do realise that you didn’t make it very easy for me on my arrival here at Salt Lake City?”

Carol smiled, momentarily taking her hand from the wheel to squeeze Therese’s.

“I hated you for coming here to intrude in my life with your fancy camera.”  
Therese chuckled. 

“I felt utterly intimidated by your arrogance… “

“Therese, I’m sorry …"

“and terribly attracted…”, Therese added, making Carol blush vehemently. 

Shifting gear to enable the Volvo to take the steep road leading up to the house, Carol was silent for a moment, then continued speaking.

“I must admit I was not kind to you. But soon I couldn’t help but notice how beautiful you are … and kind and generous …” She sighed.

“And after that, well, I was lost.”

They both laughed, enjoying and still astonished about this thrilling, new closeness between them.

_______________________________

“Madam, can I offer you breakfast?”

A flight attendant, carrying a small tray, disturbed Therese in her musings about Carol. Sitting upright, she took the tray, putting it on the little table in front of her. Although earlier she hadn’t felt hungry, she now eagerly devoured the stale cereals and buttered roll. Smiling inwardly, she realized that her night with Carol not only had made her crave for sleep, but for food as well. It had been worth every minute though, she decided, feeling how longingly her body reacted to only the thought of Carol.

After they had locked the Volvo in the underground garage, they had returned to the guest house. Although Carol’s room had never been the marital bedroom, they both didn’t want to go there. The guesthouse was their common ground and it was here where they wanted to spend their last night together. 

Therese was to leave early on Saturday and Carol had helped her to gather her things and pack them in the small suitcase and rucksack. They stood close, working side by side, acutely aware of each other’s nearness, Therese intently inhaling the subtle fragrance of Carol’s perfume. Afterwards they had showered together and, dressed in identical white teddy robes, retreated to the bed. Therese adjusted the pillows so they could comfortably sit next to each other, leaning against the headboard while sipping from the last beers left in the small refrigerator. They both knew it was time to talk.

“If you had predicted this a week ago, I would have laughed at you, but right now I must confess: I don’t want to leave …”

Therese took Carol’s free hand and kissed it tentatively. 

“Darling …” Carol savoured the word, delighted to use this new endearment.

After some deliberation Therese decided to be the one to name the issues awaiting them. 

“Will I see you again?”

Her words betrayed her uncertainty. Carol turned to face her.

“What makes you question that?”

Therese shrugged.

“You talked with Harge today…”

“So did you,” Carol interjected.

Therese sighed, shifting her gaze to the ceiling.

“Maybe he has convinced you to stay with him.” 

“Therese, look at me.” 

Therese felt Carol’s hands touch her face, forcing her to look into those fierce blue eyes. 

“Would I have asked you to come with me to bring Rindy to Abby today if Harge had convinced me? Would I be here now, if he had persuaded me to give up on you?”  
She softly kissed Therese’s lips.

“I have made my decision. I want you, Therese.” She hesitated. “That is, … if you will have me.”

For the first time, Therese felt a great calm settle into her body. Before returning the kiss she whispered her answer to Carol’s thrilling but still somewhat unexpected question. 

“Yes I will… gladly.”

The kiss turned into a long and tight embrace that left them both breathless. Later, lying close, their limbs entwined, they contemplated the consequences of their choices.  
To Therese, Carol’s admission that she wanted to be with her came as a surprise. This entire week she had been mystified by Carol’s often erratic behaviour. Her talk with Abby had given her enough confidence to pursue Carol. And Carol had accepted her willingly. But was it enough to trust the woman who had now become her lover? Would Carol be able to resist the conventional safety of her life with Harge once Therese had left? There were so many things that tied her to Salt Lake City: her marriage, Rindy, Harge’s and her own professional ambitions. Did she have the courage to thwart Harge’s political career? And if she decided to leave Harge, would she be willing to out herself? To Therese, some things were unnegotiable. She would never leave New York. And she would not agree to just being Carol’s secret lover. If Carol chose for a life with her, it would have to be in all openness. 

Therese handed her now empty tray to the attendant and settled back in her chair. She frowned. It had taken all her courage to tell Carol about her hesitations. After all, Carol was willing to take some life changing steps for her sake. How could she doubt her sincerity? But to her surprise Carol had been understanding, acknowledging that her behaviour could give way to doubts about her intentions. Brushing back Therese’s sleek hair with her hand to reveal the light skin of her brow, she considered Therese’s carefully phrased fears.

“ I have made my choice, but I also know that I still have to earn your trust. Please, tell me what you need.”

And then Therese had laid out the plan that had formed in her head after her talk with Harge. They were not to see or talk to each other for a month. It would give them both the time to sort out their feelings but most of all allow Carol the space to disentangle her life from the arrangement with Harge. 

“What did you tell him, today?”

Therese remembered Harge’s taut face and hardly concealed loathing during their interview that afternoon. 

“I told him that I’m in love with you…”

Carol softly touched Therese’s cheek.

“He was upset, at first, then angry.”

She sighed.

“And I understand that so well. But I have also made it absolutely clear that I want things to change and that I need his help in achieving that.”

Therese breathed deeply, admiring Carol’s courage to make Harge as responsible for what would be a major breach in their relationship.

“My God, you are something ….”

Carol smiled.

“And you better believe it!”

They were quiet for a while, still lying close. Then Therese returned to her suggestion to take some time before they would see each other again.

“A month from now I have an opening. I will show some of my photos in a small gallery in my neighbourhood. It’s nothing much, but I want you to be there.”

She turned her head, shyly seeking Carol’s crystal blue gaze that was now filled with tenderness. Not being together for an entire month would not be easy, but for now they both knew it was necessary. Carol’s slow smile was the answer Therese needed. She kissed Carol’s forehead, then made her way down, kissing her soft cheeks, her eager lips and eventually her warm breasts after she had parted the white, teddy robe. Carol gasped and moved her hips against her, craving for her touch. In one swift movement they both took off their robes and Therese eagerly moved her hand to find Carol ready for her, her wetness longingly enveloping her fingers. In their hunger for each other, they would not be gentle this time, knowing that this night would be their last one for a long time.


	22. Two weeks later: Carol

“I must admit that I’m not really surprised by this.”

Marjorie Aird Harrison looked carefully at her sister-in-law, who, her hands in the pockets of her impeccable navy coloured trousers, had been nervously pacing around her living room for the past half hour. Never one to easily share her emotions and doubts, Carol had taken her time before she had managed to tell her about her decision to leave Harge. 

“Why?” Carol turned her gaze to Marjorie, who was sitting in one of the comfortable chairs that surrounded a lavish fireplace. Marjorie shrugged, balancing a glass of red wine in her hands.

“To be honest, I was never really convinced that the arrangement between you and Harge would last.”

Marjorie was one of the few persons who from the beginning had been fully informed about the nature of the relationship between her brother and Carol. She was the only member of their conservative family who knew Harge was gay and had always supported him. And she was one of Carol’s oldest and most of all loyal and trustworthy friends. Their secret had always been safe with her and Carol wanted her to know that she was about to end her marriage with Harge. 

Shocked by her admission, Carol walked over to the fireplace and sat down in the chair opposite Marjorie. 

“Whatever made you think that?”

Marjorie smoothed the wrinkles in her light red, linen dress that covered her long, elegant legs. Strongly resembling her elder brother, she was more handsome than pretty. At fourteen, Carol’s first serious crush had been on her school friend, who shared her love for outdoor games and debating. Marjorie had been kind but very straightforward in her rejection of her, leaving her heartbroken. Yet, their friendship had survived and Carol had been a witness at Marjorie’s marriage to William Harrison, a gentle paediatrician ten years her senior, who worked at the University Hospital. 

“Let’s be frank, Carol, underneath that cool and controlled exterior of yours there is a passionate woman who needs to be able to live her life In a way that makes her feel free and happy. And I am certain that this life with Harge doesn’t make you happy.”

Listening to Marjorie, Carol remembered Abby’s analysis, a few weeks earlier, that she was “satisfied, but not happy”. She nodded, acknowledging her agreement. 

“And next to that, it’s 2015 for God’s sake ! Even in Utah same-sex marriage is legal and although he was a Democrat, Harge’s colleague Scott McCoy was openly gay… It will be a shock if Harge comes out, but they will not kill him.“

She sighed.

“Carol, I love my brother and I know he is devastated by your decision. But I am certain that in the end he will see that this will be the best for him too.”

She took Carol’s hand. 

“Let me talk to him, try to let him see things from another perspective. You know he can never say no to his little sister.”

They laughed, enjoying the familiar warmth of their close connection. Marjorie reached for the bottle of wine and refilled their glasses. Leaning backward in her comfortable chair, glass in hand, she smiled at her sister-in law.

“Now, tell me everything about this Superwoman.”  
_____________________________________________________________________

That night Carol lay in her bed, having put aside the casefile she had tried to concentrate on. Her hands clasped behind her head she stared at the ceiling.

It was now two weeks ago that Therese had returned to New York. Their last night together had made Carol realize more than ever that she wanted to explore her emotions for Therese, wanted to explore the possibility of a relationship with her. Never before had she given herself so unconditionally and to her great relief Therese had accepted her shy offer. But Carol also understood why Therese needed time, suggesting that they would only meet again after a month. Carol too needed room to search her feelings, to reflect on their consequences, to start making the necessary alterations to her life, both practical and emotional. 

She had first spoken to Jocelyn, her lawyer, about the legal and financial intricacies of the arrangement with Harge. She knew they were not bound to each other financially. Carol earned more than enough as a corporate lawyer and, being an only child, she had inherited her parents’ substantial estate. 

On their marriage, they had signed a document that obliged them both to refrain from revealing the truth about their relationship. Carol did not intend to disclose the reasons of her divorce, thus protecting Harge against any speculations their break up might call for. It was up to him to come out or not. But Carol also knew that she would no longer hide her own sexuality. 

Fortunately her work offered the balance and distraction she so needed in the turmoil that was her life after Therese’s departure. She was good at her job and loved the concentration and sharpness it demanded. Her colleagues noticed her greater eagerness but also a new warmness in her demeanour, that contrasted with her customary aloofness. Amused by their comments, she concluded that this apparently was what being in love was all about.

The most difficult issue would be the parenting of Rindy, but Carol was not ready yet to face this, knowing that Harge’s love for his daughter equalled her passion for the girl. She could not imagine her life without Rindy, but at the same time realized that a choice for Therese could mean just that. Would Therese accept Rindy as an essential part of a relationship with Carol? There had hardly been room for them to get to know each other during the week that Therese had stayed at the guesthouse. They had played soccer, ruining the lawn, and certainly had a good time taking photographs in Abby’s garden. But that surely was not enough for Therese to welcome the girl into her life. 

After two weeks Carol’s body still yearned for Therese. Their last night together had been filled with talking, laughter and most of all making love. Carol had not tired of touching Therese’s slim, muscular body, kissing every part of her velvet skin. Therese had been an attentive lover, easily following Carol’s lead but not shying away from taking control herself. Carol’s lovers had always been women of her age and class and she was silently surprised to find herself being courted by a young woman from such a totally different background. Was it important? She could only find out if she was prepared to take the risk of getting to know Therese and her life in New York better. 

Reaching for the bedside lamp, hoping she would be able to catch some sleep, Carol sighed.

“Still two more weeks to go.”


	23. Two weeks later: Therese

The apartment felt unfamiliarly empty. After Genevieve had put the last cardboard box into the small van she had lent from a friend back in Cambridge, she had returned one last time, the keys to the apartment in her hand. 

“Well, that’s it…” 

Therese did not know what to say. Her hands in the pockets of her black jeans, she looked at the woman who had been her friend, roommate and occasional lover ever since they had met at a small women’s bar in Williamsburg ten years ago. Therese had been instantly attracted by Gen’s cheerful and generous personality and was easily accepted in her extensive and tightly knit circle of friends. Their living together at the small Brooklyn apartment came as close to a family life as Therese, who had been raised by various foster parents, had ever experienced. She loved Genevieve for opening her heart and life to her and would forever be grateful for that. But she also knew that she did not love Genevieve enough to be her life partner.  
________________________________________

Only a few hours after she returned from Utah, Gen had already called Therese. Therese had resisted the urge not to answer, knowing very well that Gen would persist until she would. Their conversation had been tense, both remembering their sad goodbye only a week before. After she had given a brief and somewhat superficial account of her stay in Salt Lake City, Therese remained silent for a few moments, aware of Genevieve’s edgy breathing at the other side of line. She closed her eyes before taking the step she knew was inevitable. 

“Gen, I.. I’ve met someone when I was in Utah.”

Genevieve did not answer, forcing Therese to continue.

“I wasn’t looking for it, it was … she …”

She tried to find the words to describe the emotions that meeting Carol had caused, but was interrupted by Genevieve.

“Don’t, Therese. I don’t want to know.”

The pain in her voice was almost unbearable.

“Gen, I don’t want to hurt you…”

“But you do… Look Therese, when I left for Cambridge I kept hoping that in the end you would join me, that we would have a life together there. But you didn’t and then things started to change between us, even though I didn’t want to see it. I know you love me, Therese, but I also know that we are just not meant to be …”

She sighed.

“And God, I sometimes hate you for that …”

They both remained silent. Therese could hear how Gen tried to fight back her tears, when she continued.

“I will come by to fetch my stuff from the apartment. I don’t think she will like it when …

“Carol”, Therese whispered, “Her name is Carol.”

“Please, I don’t want to know…”

And then Genevieve had broken the connection.  
_________________________________________

Genevieve put the keys on the table, then turned her soft brown eyes to Therese. She smiled, a sad smile that did not reach her eyes. Therese tried to return the smile, but failed miserably.

“Take care, Therese.”

For a brief moment Genevieve’s hand touched Therese’s cheek, then she turned and walked to the door, gently closing it behind her. 

Listening to Genevieve’s receding footsteps in the corridor, Therese let the tears she had tried to hide the entire afternoon, stream down her cheeks. Was losing Genevieve the price she had to pay for Carol to become a part of her life? Their friendship was one of the key parts of her existence in New York and she did not want to give up on it. She hoped Gen just needed some time to get used to the changes in Therese’s life and they could resume their relationship in a new way. 

Using the sleeve of her green t-shirt to wipe away the tears, she allowed herself to confront the fears that had crawled into her mind only a few days after she had returned from Salt Lake City. What if Carol had second thoughts? What if she would not come to New York? What if she had only been a fling to her? She knew that not being with Carol caused these doubts, but it was difficult to fight them. If only she could call or text her. But it had been her own proposition not to see each other for four weeks…  
Her thoughts were suddenly interrupted by the sound of her IPhone, the Star Wars theme heralding a call from Dannie.

“Yo girl, you okay?”

She smiled. Dannie knew that Gen was going to pick up her stuff today and was calling her now to make sure she was all right. 

“Not really…”

“Wanna talk about it, or do you just want to get drunk?”

Beneath his buoyancy Therese could sense his genuine concern.

“Both, I guess.”

“Then get here as fast as you can.”

He mentioned the name of a small café near the Times, where they frequently went after work. He was probably there to keep Grace, his girlfriend and one of the bartenders, company. She liked the somewhat shabby but welcoming atmosphere of the bar. It would be a good place to start healing. 

“I’ll be there in half an hour.”

Therese put her phone on the table, next to Gen’s keys and went to the bathroom. Standing in front of the sink she sprinkled some cold water on her face, that was still red from her tears. Mingled with her grief about Gen, there was now a severe and very physical longing for Carol, for her elegant and sensual body, her piercing blue eyes that sometimes seemed to see right through her, her warm voice that could melt ice. With a sigh she leaned her forehead against the mirror. Two more weeks to go.


	24. Four weeks later: Carol

Carol had changed her clothes several times before she realized that if she didn’t leave now, she would be more than fashionably late for Therese’s opening at the gallery. She desperately tried to close the buttons of her white shirt, an almost impossible task due to her shaking hands.

“I’m behaving like a schoolgirl on her first date …”, she muttered to herself, reaching for the jacket of her black Armani suit, the suit she had also worn when she first picked up Therese at the airport. Unfamiliar with Therese’s world in New York, she felt insecure. What should she wear? She imagined the other guests to be young, unconventional and artistic types, the kind of people she felt unfamiliar and, she had to admit, also somewhat uncomfortable with. 

Checking her outfit for the last time, she sighed. For now, she had to deal with this uncertainty, something she was not used to. The irony of the situation was not lost on her. Here she was, at forty, a confident and well established lawyer, wife and mother, who nevertheless was petrified to mingle with the friends and colleagues of the woman she had only just met and fallen in love with. She smiled at herself in the mirror, a not very convincing smile. Grabbing her black leather bag, she mumbled an encouragement.

“Be brave, Carol, you’ll be fine …”  
______________________________________

She had arrived at New York a few days earlier than she had originally planned. A week ago Abby had surprised her by handing her the keys to the Madison Avenue apartment that the Gerhardt Company used as a pied-à-terre in New York. 

“I think you should take some time off and try to get to know the city, to experience what it feels and looks like, before you meet Therese. Try to imagine yourself living there. She’s a New Yorker after all.” 

Carol had been deeply touched by Abby’s gesture. Although they had not talked about it, she could sense that Abby struggled with the new developments in her best friend’s life, that no doubt would also influence their friendship. Accepting her offer, she had simply wrapped her arms around Abby and had held her tight until the insistent ringing of Abby’s phone had forced them to let go. 

Leaving had been difficult. Harge had been furious, because it meant she would not join him during a short election tour through the southern counties of Utah. In the weeks following their lunch when Carol had told him she wanted to end their arrangement, they had entered a stalemate, with Harge stubbornly refusing to cooperate. Clearly, Marjorie’s efforts to make him change his mind had yet remained unsuccessful.

And Rindy too did not want her to leave, especially when she realized her mother was going to visit Therese in New York. As promised, Therese had e-mailed the pictures Rindy had made at Abby’s house and Rindy had pinned several of them on the walls of her room. Carol noticed that she had put one on her desk: a photo of Therese smiling mischievously into the lens, with an enthusiastic dachshund Alice in her arms. Amused, Carol concluded that her daughter also seemed to have a serious crush on the young photographer. She couldn’t blame her. 

To her own surprise Carol thoroughly enjoyed being alone in New York. She had visited some museums, immersed herself in countless bookstores, hired a bicycle to explore Central Park and had walked through The High Line Park to admire the gardens by the Dutch landscape artist Piet Oudolf. In the evening, surrounded by her new books, she relished the peaceful silence of the apartment, enjoying the exotic meals she had picked up on her way home. 

Soon, she felt her body relax, and she realized how long other people had dictated the pace and direction of her life: her clients and colleagues at work, the obligations that came with Harge’s political career, the many committees she chaired and even Rindy’s school musicals and soccer matches. Things would really have to change, she once more decided, regardless of a possible future with Therese.  
_______________________________

The Brooklyn gallery turned out to be a former hardware store that now housed some workshops and a small space used for exhibitions. Carol paid the cabdriver and turned to take in the front of the gallery, where a few young men, a bottle of beer in hand, were engaged in a heated discussion, not noticing that they were blocking the entrance. Trying to mask her uncertainty, she hesitantly approached the group when one of the men noticed her. Beaming, he unexpectedly took her arm and steered her to the door.

“You must be Carol Aird!”

Unable to hide her surprise Carol looked up at his smiling face, framed by dark, horn-rimmed glasses.

“How do you know …”

“How couldn’t I know! Therese has told so much about you!”

Letting go of her arm he extended his hand.

“Dannie McElroy. I’m a colleague of Therese.”

Carol shook his hand, immediately feeling more at ease thanks to his easy, warm manner.

“Pleased to meet you, colleague of Therese.”

They had entered the space where Therese’s photographs were displayed. It was packed. Scanning the room, Dannie waved his hand to the farthest right hand corner.

“I believe she must be there somewhere.”

Thanking him, Carol tried to make her way through the animated crowd. It filled her with pride to see so many visitors. Therese had clearly been too modest when she said her exhibition would be nothing much. She was blocked by a small group that stood in front of a large photograph of a woman and child; the woman seated at a table while the child, a young girl, leaned against her arm. They were bathed in a warm light that faded their contours, giving the scene an almost dreamlike air. With a shock Carol realized it was one of the pictures Therese had taken of her and Rindy on the terrace, the very first day she had arrived in Salt Lake City. 

A woman standing next to Carol bowed to read the short text that was pinned next to the photograph.

“On meeting C. and R.”

She turned to Carol.

“This is lovely. I wonder who …” her words stuck when she recognized Carol’s face.

Carol blushed vehemently, murmuring “Excuse me”, before she turned around quickly. Where the hell was Therese?

And then she saw her, talking to two older women who were listening to her attentively while she seemed to explain something about the large portrait of a homeless man that hung nearby. Carol’s eyes were drawn to Therese’s earnest, young face, her beautiful green eyes fixed on the two eager women in front of her. She was dressed in the lovely black dress that she had worn the first night at the Eccles Theatre and Carol felt a powerful stirring in her lower abdomen that made her realize how much she had longed for this moment. She lifted her hand and waved, trying to draw Therese’s attention. One of the women noticed Carol’s waving hand and pointed at her, making Therese aware of the fact that, at long last, Carol had come. 

They did not cry or run into each other’s arms. Instead, their eyes locked in a long gaze that told them both how much the other woman had missed her, had longed for her, had craved for this moment. Smiling, Carol slowly walked up to Therese, opening her arms for the young woman. The intensity of their embrace made them both tremble.

“I’ve missed you so much.” 

Closing her eyes, Carol buried her face into Therese’s long, dark hair. Therese’s arms circled Carol’s waist, pulling her even closer.

“Can I kiss you?”, she whispered in Carol’s ear. 

Suddenly, Carol was aware of the fact that they were standing in the middle of an amused group of people who were looking very curiously at them. But instead of her usual shying away from showing her feelings in public, she was overwhelmed by the sheer joy of having Therese in her arms again. Smiling inwardly she replied:

“I thought you’d never ask…”


	25. Four weeks later: Therese

“Do you think she’ll come?”

Therese’s voice betrayed the uncertainty that had become a constant companion in these last few days before the opening. With a sigh Dannie carefully put down the large frame that he was trying to adjust to one of the bare brick walls of the gallery. This was not the first time that he had been asked this same question by Therese. 

“Therese, would you please stop worrying. Considering all that you’ve told me about you and the wonderful Carol Aird I can only conclude that she’ll be here.” With an encouraging smile he added: “And if she doesn’t, I’ll owe you a beer.”

It was the day of the opening and Dannie had volunteered to help his friend with the last minute adjustments. He was all too familiar with Therese’s uncertainty about her free work and he knew she would be tempted to change her choice of photographs and the sequence in which they were showed until the very end. 

Their friendship had started at The Times, when they were both still trainees, fresh from the New York Film Academy where they had attended the Photography School. From the very beginning Dannie had been smitten by his petite young colleague. It had resulted in some awkward moments, but it did not take long before Dannie realized that it was Therese’s friendship he would always value most. After that they had become close, Therese becoming one of the “boys” in his close knit group of friends. 

Thus, it was only natural that Therese confided in him when she returned from Salt Lake City, bursting with stories about meeting and falling in love with Carol Aird. He was surprised by the strength and depth of her emotions, only having seen her handle her affairs with women, even Genevieve, in an often dispassionate, sometimes even indifferent way. They had never really talked about it, but he repeatedly wondered if Therese’s background as a foster child made it difficult for her to seriously make a commitment to another person.

Dannie looked at Therese who stood, frowning, in front of a large framed photograph she had only brought in today to include in the exhibition. After she had removed the plain brown paper wrapped around it, Dannie had immediately recognized Carol Aird, assuming that the girl that was confidently leaning against her was her daughter. 

“She’s beautiful … they are beautiful,” he had whispered, admiring the way Therese had played with the light.

Therese had only smiled in response, a radiant smile that betrayed her longing for Carol. But could she have doubts now about showing this particular picture today? He walked up to her and put his hands on her frail shoulders, forcing her to look at him.

“Therese, it’s a wonderful image. Leave it there. She’ll come, don’t worry.”

She nodded, touched by his concern for her, but he could not fully convince her. The weeks after she had left Salt Lake City had been difficult. Not that she regretted the separation she had insisted on. It had given her room to think about her feelings, to contemplate the possibilities of a relationship with Carol, to sever the last ties that bound her to Genevieve. But after the first intoxicating days that were filled with the excitement of being in love, more and more she was confronted with her inner fears, the deeply hidden thoughts that she had always anxiously avoided. 

Her single mother being unable to care for her, she had been committed to the care of foster parents only a few weeks after her birth. Although she had always been an obedient and friendly, if somewhat shy child, none of her foster parents decided to offer her a permanent home. She had learned to accept the frequent transfers without comment, forcing herself not to ask the questions that in the end she did not want to be answered: what’s wrong with me ? Why don’t they want to adopt me? Am I not worth it?

She left her last foster family when she was eighteen and had succeeded in obtaining a scholarship at the Film Academy. Living in foster care, she had learned to only rely on herself and to never fully commit, knowing that one day she might have to leave again. It had been the same during her years with Genevieve, even though their life together had come closest to what she imagined to be the life at a home that offered love and stability, the comfort of belonging. Still, she had not followed Genevieve to Cambridge and had stayed behind in New York. 

During the sleepless nights of the past few days she had tormented herself with the same recurrent questions. Would she be able now to fully commit herself to a relationship with Carol? And what would Carol do when she knew about her fears and anxieties? More and more Therese had been troubled by these thoughts and by now they almost made her fear the moment Carol would be there … or not.   
_______________________________________

Her senior editor Fred Wilson had courteously offered to open the exhibition and Therese was overwhelmed by his kind praise and admiring comments on her work. A startling amount of people had turned up. She noticed some colleagues from the Times, former fellow students from the Academy, several neighbours and a lot of friends: surprisingly, next to Dannie’s “boys”, there also were some of the women who had always been more Genevieve’s friends than hers. Genevieve herself was not there and Therese felt regret that right now this was how things were to be between them. 

An hour after Fred had welcomed the small crowd that by now had gathered in the gallery, Carol still hadn’t arrived. And although Therese was kept busy by many enthusiastic visitors, keen to know everything about her and her work, she felt her anxiety grow. Hiding her impatience she smiled at the two elderly ladies who had cornered her next to a large print of the portrait she had made of Chris, a homeless man she had met during one of her walks through the neighbourhood. 

“He looks quite frightening…”, one of the women commented. “Weren’t you afraid to approach him, let alone make his picture?”

Therese sighed uncomfortably. 

“He’s actually a very kind man. I always try to look through the exterior, not to let myself be fooled by …”

Therese stopped midsentence, seeing that the woman in front of her was clearly distracted by something. Therese’s gaze followed her hand when she pointed at a tall woman in a black suit a few metres away, who was watching them. Her heart skipped a beat. Carol. Therese smiled when she noticed that Carol was wearing the same suit that she had worn when she had fetched her from the airport in Salt Lake City. But the arrogance that had made Therese so very uneasy then, was now replaced by a shyness she found endearing. Their roles were reversed now and Therese felt her excitement grow. She would show Carol her world, her life. 

Smiling, Carol slowly walked up to her, opening her arms. The intensity of their embrace made Therese tremble and awakened the strong physical longing that was such a distinct part of her love for this beautiful woman.

“I’ve missed you so much.” 

Carol’s lips caressed her ear before she buried her face in her hair. Therese pulled her even closer.

“Can I kiss you?”, she whispered.

For a brief moment she felt Carol tense, but then she relaxed, fully giving in to Therese’s embrace.

“I thought you’d never ask…”


	26. Four weeks later: Carol and Therese (1)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short chapter after a long silence... I know. Wrapping up work and an Italian holiday took all my time. I promise a next chapter soon. Until then I hope you will enjoy this reunion chapter.

Shivering in the cold night air that came in through the open window, Carol pulled her black jacket tighter around her. She extinguished the cigarette that had tempted her to leave the warm bed behind her. Getting up, she walked to the door of the bathroom, then turned briefly. In the dim light of the bedroom she could just discern the sleeping body of Therese, lying on her stomach, her head resting on her outstretched arms. Carol smiled, warmed by the memory of their lovemaking earlier that night. 

It had not been easy to extricate themselves from the crowd that had gathered at the gallery. The constant flow of friends, colleagues and strangers eager to congratulate her on her first show, made it almost impossible for Therese to pay any attention to Carol. Carol didn’t mind. She was excited to see her young lover in her own setting for the first time and happy to be part of the warmth and praise that surrounded her. She had briefly spoken with Fred Wilson, who was clearly surprised to meet her at the opening but had been courteous enough not to probe further, even though he must have seen her passionately kissing his employee. 

In the end it was Dannie who succeeded in freeing Therese from a group of enthusiastic young women, who tried to persuade her to join their collective of female press photographers. Unceremoniously taking Therese’s arm he steered her away to a corner where Carol already stood waiting, holding both of their coats.

“Miss Belivet, it’s time you start to pay some attention to your guest, who has come all the way from Utaaaah, …” His attempt to talk with what turned out to be a southern accent was not too convincing. 

Laughing, Carol shook her head.

“Let’s go, Therese, before I start kicking your charming Yankee friend here.” Her accent was convincing, of course. 

Outside, Therese had hailed a taxi and they had sat close on the backseat, quietly holding hands, intensely enjoying each other’s nearness. Once inside Therese’s apartment, they hadn’t made it to the bedroom. They hadn’t even made it to the couch in the living room. After she closed the door, Therese had pulled Carol against her, her body consumed by a hunger that was matched by the passion with which the tall, blond woman sought her lips. Their kiss was fierce, all consuming. Clumsily, Carol shrugged out of her long coat. She threw it on the hardwood floor of the hallway and pulling Therese with her she lay down on it. 

“Come here …”

Face down, Therese landed on Carol’s body and she used this advantage to grab her wrists, bringing them above her head and pinning them firmly to the floor.

“I think it is time that I should take advantage of you …” Therese’s voice was hoarse, filled with want.

Carol groaned, remembering how, only a month ago, she had startled Therese under the shower at the guesthouse.

“I apologized for that …”

Straddling Carol, her dress riding high on her now exposed thighs, Therese continued her grip on her lover’s wrists, but now with only a surprisingly strong left hand. With her other hand she reached down, until she found the belt of Carol’s black trousers.

“I was not convinced …”

With one swift movement Therese loosened the buckle of the fine leather belt. Then she opened the knot of Carol’s pants and unzipped them. 

“Look at me Carol …”

The clear blue met the emerald green. Carol’s look was defiant, challenging Therese to just take what she craved for. Therese’s narrowed eyes were filled with lust. Having Carol in this vulnerable position was intoxicating and without hesitation she moved her hand into Carol’s underwear, where her fingers found the wetness that encouraged her to directly enter her. 

Carol moaned and Therese felt how she raised her hips, her inner walls contracting around her curved finger. Carol closed her eyes.

“More …”, she whispered and Therese eagerly added one, then two fingers, making Carol cry out. 

Mesmerized, Therese watched as Carol tensed and was taken over by a shuddering orgasm. She had never been so aggressive, so demanding when making love. Carol aroused her in a way that felt both exhilarating and frightening. She let go of Carol’s wrists and with her now free arm she pulled her against her, using her body to soothe the trembling woman in her arms. It was only after Carol regained her normal breathing, that she gently slid out her fingers. She felt Carol relax, but was also acutely aware of her own, lingering arousal. She brought her mouth to Carol’s and kissed her. Then Carol pulled back, taking her hand, caressing it.

“My angel…” She smiled. “My not so gentle angel…”

Looking into Therese’s eyes she saw the bare need that the younger woman could no longer disguise. Therese blinked, then swallowed.

“Carol …”

With her right hand Carol cupped Therese’s face, bringing it nearer until she could kiss her. Her mouth against Therese’s swollen lips she whispered:

“Take off your dress.”

Trembling, Therese got up, her hand seeking the wall to give her some stability. Smiling, Carol also got up and positioned herself in front of the smaller woman. 

“Let me help you.” 

She reached behind Therese’s back, searching for the small buttons that closed the dress.

“Turn around.”

Obediently, Therese turned her face to the wall, exposing her back to Carol who slowly freed the buttons from the little loops that secured them. After every button that came loose, Carol kissed the uncovered skin, making Therese shiver. Their roles were reversed now, she realised and lowering her head she put her palms against the wall to steady herself for what she knew would invariably be coming now: Carol confidently caressing her, marking her, taking possession of her entire body until she would come in her hands, undone and totally hers.


	27. Four weeks later: Carol and Therese (2)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, that took some time... I can't promise a new update soon, but I'll try.

“Therese, I don’t understand …” 

In an all too obvious attempt to hide her growing disquiet, Carol reached for the cigarettes she kept in the inside pocket of her black jacket. With shaking hands, she lighted one, desperately trying to understand what was going on in the head of the young woman sitting next to her. 

They were perched on a bench, overlooking the small children’s playground a few streets down from the apartment. Ultimately, it had been the need for food and fresh air that had driven them out of Therese’s small, sunlit bedroom where they had ended up after their frantic lovemaking on the hallway floor last night. Despite Therese’s mumbled and still sleepy protests, Carol had disentangled herself from their intimate embrace. 

“Darling, I’m afraid I won’t last another second if you don’t feed me soon.”

One look in her embarrassingly empty fridge made Therese decide to take Carol to her favourite deli, where they bought some sandwiches, salads and mineral water to take with them to the playground. Carrying the paper bags containing their food, they peacefully walked next to each other, enjoying the quiet of a lazy Sunday morning and the cool, relaxing breeze. Thoughtfully, Therese looked up at the tall, blonde woman at her side.

All the uncertainties about Carol’s feelings that had plagued her in the previous weeks, had dissolved once she found herself in her arms. Therese was still astounded by the total abandon with which she had surrendered to the older woman. It was so unlike what she had experienced in her previous relationships, when she had always kept something to herself. She shrugged, wondering if it would always be like this with Carol.

Feeling Therese’s eyes on her, Carol turned her head, catching her gaze. 

“A penny for your thoughts …”

Therese smiled, inexorably pulled into the clear blue of Carol’s eyes.

“Nothing … I …” 

She remained silent for a moment, trying to find the words to express her confusion. 

“It’s just so easy, being here, with you…”

Before she could continue Carol put her free arm around Therese’s shoulders, pulling her into a half embrace.

“And I’m happy to be here, with you.”

For a few moments Therese hid her face in Carol’s welcoming shoulder, no longer able to continue her train of thought. Then they walked on, now holding hands.

The small playground was nearly deserted. A grandfather sat reading, while a little girl, firmly clutching her well-loved toy rabbit, dozed in her stroller parked next to him. Two teenaged girls had taken possession of the swings and were talking conspiratorially, their heads close. 

They found a bench in the shade of the beech trees that lined the far side of the ground. They unpacked their lunch and with a satisfied sigh Carol immediately delved into her tuna sandwich. Chuckling, Therese observed how Carol’s chin was soon covered in mayonnaise. 

“I almost feel guilty for not feeding you properly.”

Therese handed Carol a napkin. While hastily wiping her chin, Carol eagerly reached for her Perrier with her other hand. 

“Almost?”

“Well, I can’t remember you giving me much opportunity to cook for you the other night.”

Carol’s eyes shot fire while Therese mockingly raised her pain au chocolat.

“Bon appétit, chérie.”

Carol growled something through her next bite, but knew she was defeated for now. 

They finished their lunch in a companionable silence, amusedly watching the arrival of a group of rowdy children and their weary looking parents. After Carol had deposited the paper bags with the remains of their lunch in one of the trashcans and had retrieved her seat on their bench, she turned to her companion, putting a hand on her knee.

“Therese, I think we should talk.” 

They both knew that their blissful mood would have to be disturbed by the questions they had to ask each other … and themselves. To her dismay, Therese felt her earlier unease return. She looked up at Carol, trying to read her expression. Carol smiled, eager to tell Therese about the thoughts and plans that had taken shape in the past few weeks and especially the last few days that she had spent in New York. Taking Therese’s hand, her thumb gently stroking the soft palm, she started talking.

“When you left Salt Lake City I was bewildered. For the first time in years I was truly, deeply in love with somebody. Something wonderful, but also so very frightening at the same time. Here I was, at forty, with a daughter, a high profile job and a husband of sorts, living a well-established life. In short, the ideal circumstances to fall in love with an intriguing, beautiful young woman who just happens to pass by…”

She sighed, then brought Therese’s hand up to her lips, kissing her fingers one by one. Involuntarily, Therese shifted slightly, but Carol didn’t seem to notice.

“I was glad with this separation for four weeks, Therese. You were right. It allowed me the time to think, to talk to the few people I can confide in, most of all Abby. And by doing so and much to my own surprise, I have learned a lot about myself, new, surprising things as well.”

Her eyes followed a young boy chasing a little dog, the dog’s excited barking filling the air. Therese quietly released her hand from Carol’s gentle grip. 

“Most of all I’ve discovered that it is possible to release control … even to want to release it …”

Carol remained silent. Feeling less and less comfortable, Therese reached for the bottle of water she kept in her bag. Unscrewing the cap, she stealthily glanced at the woman sitting next to her. Carol seemed to be totally immersed in her thoughts, but after a few moments she proceeded. 

“So I have decided to start the divorce proceedings. Harge is furious of course, and I still have to tell Rindy, but it doesn’t feel right to stay in my fake marriage any longer.”

She brought her hand to her forehead, then raked her fingers through her unruly, blond curls. 

“I’ve even decided to quit my job and to start looking in other directions, maybe even here, in New York.”

Smiling, she turned her gaze to Therese, eagerly waiting for her reaction. 

Therese tensed, feeling the blood drain from her face. Carol’s words resonated in her head and she felt overwhelmed by their implications. Things were going too fast. Trying not to panic, she took a sip of her water, desperately searching for words. Carol raised her eyebrows, her eyes scrutinizing her lover’s face for an answer. 

“Sweetheart …?”

Struggling to answer, Therese closed her eyes. 

“Carol, please … , stop.”

She bowed her head, her hands clenching the half empty bottle.

“I…, I'm sorry, but I don’t think I can do this …”


	28. Salt Lake City: Rindy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes I know, the last chapter ended with a huge cliffhanger. And this chapter does not change that. But stay with me, dear readers, things will get better. Trust me.

Yawning, Rindy Aird closed the book she had been reading after her father had put her to bed, telling her she could read until she had finished her chapter. Unlike a lot of her classmates, she loved reading. It made her become part of a different and exciting universe in a way watching television or YouTube videos never could. Her parents encouraged her reading, convinced it would make their daughter more aware of the world and all its possibilities around her.

From a very young age Rindy was aware she was part of an unusual family. Not only because of her father’s political career and the very public life that came with it, even for her. She also learned that the relationship between her parents was different than that of other married people she knew, like Aunt Marjorie and Uncle William. The first time she stayed with them for a sleepover-party with the twins, she was surprised to find out her aunt and uncle had the same bedroom and even shared a bed. Her parents each had their own bedroom, located in different wings of their house, her own bedroom situated in the middle. And while her aunt and uncle, to the great dismay of their children, often kissed or hugged in their presence, her father and mother hardly ever touched each other. 

Somehow she knew not to mention her parents’ sleeping arrangement to her friends and classmates. But at the same time, she shied away from talking with her parents about such an intimate matter. Which only left her one option: to ask her Aunt Abby. Rindy adored her godmother, who regularly took care of her when Harge and Carol were away on business, political or otherwise. She liked being part of Abby’s somewhat chaotic household, always filled with dogs and visiting friends and family members.

They were in Abby’s kitchen, trying to make their own pizza’s. Her hands and arms covered with flour, Abby desperately checked the cookbook lying in front of her on the kitchen counter. 

“I’m really not sure if this is a good idea, Rindy. Why didn’t we just order some pizza’s?”

With a sigh, Rindy looked at the knife she was carefully using to chop some onions.

“This is much more fun, Aunt Abby and Mummy says it is much healthier if you prepare your own food.”

“Thank you Carol, … “, Abby muttered, using her hand to wipe away the small drops of perspiration that were forming on her forehead. She added some olive oil to the flour and started kneading. Rindy put down her knife and walked up to the counter. There she remained standing, her posture betraying she had something on her mind. Abby’s brown eyes fixed on the girls face.

“What’s the matter, honey?”

Rindy remained silent. With her finger she drew the outline of a cat in the flour that by now was spread all over the counter. 

”You know you can tell me anything …”

Rindy bowed her head, then decided to ask what had been bothering her for some time now.

“Aunt Abby, why do Mummy and Daddy both have their own bedroom?”

If Abby had been prepared for anything, it wasn’t this, at least not at this moment. Knowing that it was, of course, only a matter of time before Rindy would start to question the way Carol and Harge had shaped their marriage, Abby expected that this would probably happen when the girl would have reached puberty. She had talked to Carol about it, but had also made it clear that, if asked, she would be frank with her daughter. But now Rindy was only nine. Buying time, Abby replied with a question:

“Why do you think that is?”

Rindy shrugged. Her eyes fixed on her drawing, she whispered.

“I don’t know … perhaps because they don’t like each other?”

Abby realized it would not do if she would give a noncommittal answer. Right now and despite her age, Rindy needed to know that her parents loved each other, only not like many other parents. 

“Honey, trust me, your Mum and Dad love each other very much, but more like …” she hesitated, trying to find the right words. Rindy looked at her, waiting for her to continue.

“But more like a brother and sister… And brothers and sisters don’t sleep in the same bed.”

She looked at the blonde girl, who was now leaning against her. She kissed the top of her head.

“Do you understand?” 

Rindy nodded, feeling relieved. She mustered Abby’s hands and apron, totally covered in greasy flakes of flour and oil.

“Oh, Aunt Abby … perhaps we should order those pizza’s.”

They both started laughing, soon accompanied by Abby’s dogs, excited to join in with the fun.

 

Rindy turned off her bedside lamp and wrapped herself in her duvet. She thought about her talk with Aunt Abby about her parents’ bedrooms, only a few months ago. She was convinced that Abby had told her the truth, but why was she thinking now that something was wrong? 

She was certain that it had started after Therese had left Salt Lake City. Rindy had noticed a change in her mother. She was more relaxed, smiled a lot and Rindy even imagined that she looked different, radiating a soft glow, was even more beautiful. 

Rindy reached for Rupert, the fluffy black bear sitting on the shelf next to her bed. Although she was a big girl now, she sometimes needed his comforting company, especially when she wasn’t feeling well. Clenching him against her chest, she remembered her father’s sad face when he had tucked her in. She had tried to make him laugh, telling him some silly story from school, but he had only smiled and then kissed her goodnight. He had changed as well, she knew, after Therese left. He was barely at home and when they were together Rindy sensed the tension between her mother and father. She had never seen her father angry at her mother, but yesterday he had yelled at her, seemingly for no reason, shocking them all. 

Yes, it definitely had started after Therese had left. I had been fun being with Therese, playing soccer together and learning how to make pictures. She was proud of the pictures she had made of Aunt Abby’s dogs and of Therese herself. Rindy imagined that having a big sister could be like this. 

Unable to sleep she turned around, Rupert still in her arms. Mummy liked Therese too. Rindy had noticed the way she looked at her, especially after that morning she had seen her leave the guesthouse where Therese stayed. It was still very early, but Rindy had already taken her soccer ball out to practice against the wall of the garage, next to the guesthouse. Mummy hadn’t noticed her, but Rindy had noted her broad smile and tousled hair, recognizing the clothes her mother had worn the evening before.

And Mummy had been to New York, for work she said, but Rindy was certain she had visited Therese there. After she returned she seemed distracted, a little bit sad even. It made Rindy feel sad too. She sighed. Tomorrow she would see Aunt Abby. Maybe she could help her find a way to make her parents happy again.


	29. Salt Lake City: Carol

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is for Win7Wil!

Carol sat at her desk, enjoying the last rays of the sun that still managed to peek over the top of the mountains and sipping from what was already her third glass of rye. She had tried to work on one of the many files that were piled on the table top, but had soon given up on that, unable to concentrate. The light in her study was fading quickly, but she didn’t feel like standing up to put on one of the lamps that were carefully placed around the pristine room. 

It was seven days ago now that she had returned from New York and she was still not certain how to define her current feelings. Staying at the Gerhard apartment had allowed her the time and space she needed so much to think about her options, to carefully start making plans. Next to that, being on her own, exploring New York like any other, excited tourist, had given her room to just enjoy herself and, most of all, to relax. 

Having Therese in her arms again, after their necessary but also excruciating four week separation, had overwhelmed her. She was stunned by her own volcanic feelings and the strong physical longing that even after their two nights together was still not quenched. But she had also been confronted with Therese’s unexpected, well-hidden anxieties. 

Leaning back in her adjustable office chair, she put her feet on the desk. She craved for a cigarette but decided against it. Tending to one addiction was enough, for the moment. Taking another sip of her drink, she replayed the conversation at the playground in her mind. Their night together, followed by their closeness in the sunny morning outdoor, had made her happy, made her lower her usual guard to open up to Therese, to really talk about what was happening between them. Therese’s response had deeply shocked her.

“I…, I'm sorry, but I don’t think I can do this …”

Carol felt the blood drain from her face.

“Therese, I don’t understand …” 

In an attempt to hide her anxiety, Carol reached for the cigarettes she kept in the inside pocket of her black jacket. With shaking hands, she lighted one, desperately trying to understand what was going on in the head of the young woman sitting next to her. 

Swallowing her tears, Therese averted her eyes, focusing on the two girls still sitting on the swings. Tentatively, Carol laid her hand on Therese’s thigh. 

“Sweetheart, please … talk to me.”

Therese shrugged, fighting the urge to run away. She knew she needed to say something, to explain. She owed Carol that much. 

“I, it’s …”

She turned to Carol, her body rigid, shoulders hunched. 

“It’s too much, Carol. I wanted you here, longed for you all these weeks, but now …”

Therese clenched her hands into fists.

“Now you’re here and you are so full of this, so full of plans …” she whispered. “ And I just don’t want you to mess up your life because of me. And … and Rindy’s life”, she added. 

Carol thoughtfully extinguished her cigarette under the sole of her black boot and put the stub in her pocket. Bracing herself she carefully chose her words.

“Therese, listen. I’m not doing this for you, although I cannot deny that you are a part of this all. But you must believe me when I say that I’m doing this for me.”

She unclenched Therese’s hands, taking them in her own, softly caressing their warm skin. 

“I have not been happy for a long time. You merely made me aware of that, woke me up, made me start to question … well …” She hesitated, then added: “everything.”

Therese’s eyes focused on their joined hands.

“ But that is just it. What if you …” Therese swallowed, feeling the words stick in her throat. Carol waited patiently, saddened by the young woman’s agony . 

“What if in the end there is no room for me in your new life … what if you don’t , don’t want me …”

Carol felt a tear drop on her hand; Therese’s. Reaching into the pocket of her jacket, she took out one of the napkins they had picked up at the deli. Gently wiping Therese’s cheek, she looked into her green eyes, filled with tears. 

“O darling, don’t you know that I want you, so very much …”

Carol realized that together, they were looking into the cruel abyss that a life in foster homes had created between Therese and the people that genuinely cared for her. How could she make this vulnerable young woman trust in her? She softly leaned her forehead against Therese’s.

“My love, I’m not … them. I’m not like them. Amidst all the uncertainties that make up my life right now, there is only one thing that I’m totally certain of: and that is that I need you in it.”

Once again reaching for Therese’s hands, Carol continued her plea.

“Therese, please, give me the time to prove that to you.”

Her words lingered in the air and for a few moments Therese remained silent. Then she nodded softly. For now, she wanted to believe Carol. 

Then, there was nothing left to say for them, so they returned to the apartment. And in the still warm afternoon light, Carol had slowly undressed a trembling Therese, had lowered her to the bed and had tenderly made love to her. Afterwards they had silently remained in each other’s arms for a long time, filled with a melancholy that had stayed with them even after Carol had to leave for her temporary apartment to pack her belongings and return to Salt Lake City. 

Carol drained her glass, closing her eyes. If anything, this unanticipated confrontation with Therese’s uncertainties and fears made her love her even more, strengthening her resolve to help her fight her anxieties and prove to her that she would never leave her. But she needed help with that. And the only one who could help her with that was Therese herself.


	30. New York City: Therese

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear readers, thank you so much for your very kind comments on the previous chapter. They filled me with pride. I know I take it slow, but I think this chapter will add a welcome next step to the story. As always, feel free to give me your feedback!

The party was drawing to an end and Therese wondered what to do next. She was leaning against an empty desk in a corner of one of the many newsrooms, clenching a beer bottle in her hand. When Dannie had suggested to go to the farewell party for one of his reporter friends at the Times, she had not been too keen. But the prospect of spending her evening alone at her silent apartment proved even less tempting, so after some deliberation she had joined him. 

Looking at the almost empty bottle, she pondered if she would get another one, but decided against it. She felt lightheaded, due, no doubt, not only to the alcohol but even more to the fact that she had hardly eaten anything. It had been a busy day, but she had to admit that it was not a lack of time but a lack of appetite that made her skip her meals regularly. She felt out of sync, depressed, even. It had been like this ever since Carol had returned to Salt Lake City. 

Therese sighed, turning the bottle in her hands. Carol. Their weekend together had left an indelible impression on her, leaving her filled with longing but also plagued by uncertainties. Being once again with Carol had been exhilarating, making her feel becoming part of a bigger whole that consisted of this wonderful, enigmatic woman and herself. But in her head she could not stop herself repeating their conversation at the playground. 

In a way she was ashamed of her outburst, but she also knew that for the first time she had talked, really talked, about her deepest fears. She was grateful to Carol that she had given her the room to speak out. Most of all, Carol didn’t ask questions afterwards, as if she knew that Therese needed time to breath, to heal. Their lovemaking, after they went back to the apartment, had been different from their earlier encounters, more caring and suffused with tenderness. 

Closing her eyes, Therese tried to shake off the fear that threatened to overwhelm her. She had opened up to Carol, but could she trust her? Or would Carol give up on her, alarmed by what she saw and heard? And Therese knew that if she did, she wouldn’t blame her…

“Hey …”

Therese felt a hand lightly touch her shoulder.

“Are you OK?”

She opened her eyes, meeting the worried gaze of the young waitress who, together with a heavily moustached Greek giant, was in charge of the bar and was now collecting the stray bottles scattered around the newsroom.

“Yes, yes I’m fine…”

Therese smiled, a not very convincing smile obviously, because the girl persisted:

“Can I get you anything, a glass of water, perhaps?”

Therese shrugged.

“No, no thanks. I’m okay, really.

The waitress put down the crate she was carrying, placing it on the desk next to Therese and took the beer bottle from her, cramming it into the already full box. Then she seemed to hesitate but eventually she turned to Therese.

“Look, I …”

Therese frowned, searching the girl’s light brown eyes, her face a question mark. 

“Yes?”

The girl blushed, then seemed to make up her mind. 

“Look, I’ve been watching you and, and I wondered … wondered if you would like to come with me .. after the party that is …”

She stretched out her hand.

“I ’m Rachel, by the way.”

Startled by this sudden request, Therese slowly shook her hand. 

“Therese.”

She looked up at the young woman, a tall and attractive, slender redhead. It was not the first time that somebody, male or female, tried to pick her up. Therese did not find herself very attractive, and it always mystified her when she was approached by someone who thought otherwise. But she also felt flattered and every so often she would accept the offer for a drink, a dinner or something more intimate from a woman that attracted her. 

This time, she hesitated. With Gen, she had had an understanding. Their relationship had been loose, not based on monogamy, at least not until Genevieve had asked her to come with her to Cambridge when she obtained her teaching position there. But now there was Carol. Intuitively, Therese was certain that to Carol a relationship would be totally exclusive. It was a thrilling but also daunting realization. 

“Well?”

Rachel smiled, a shy smile, that betrayed her uncertainty about the outcome of her bold move. Therese closed her eyes. Carol was not here. Her apartment would offer nothing but oppressing silence and a very empty refrigerator. She nodded.

“Okay”.

After she had persuaded the Greek giant to finish their shift without her, Rachel suggested to go to a small Italian restaurant near the Times building. Seeing Therese leave with the attractive waitress, Dannie had called after her. 

“Hey, were are you going?”

Ignoring his question, Therese only waved, gesturing that she would call him. He frowned, wanting to show his concern. She had not been herself these past few days, and it worried him. Her reunion with Carol didn’t seem to have the effect on her he had expected. He decided not to wait for her call, but to telephone her himself the next day.

Rachel turned out to be pleasant company, engaging and attentive. She took care of their food (“They have a very decent vitello tonnato and their tagliatelle with truffles is divine”) and ordered a deliciously dry Pinot Grigio that soon added to the wooziness in Therese’s head. Rachel was at NYCU, hoping to finish her MBA within a year and to start her own business after that, selling delicatessen. 

“Good food is my passion, actually, and I want to sell that sensation to other people.”

Therese had mostly listened to Rachel’s stories, nodding at appropriate moments and adding only a few details about herself to the conversation. Rachel didn’t seem to notice, too focused on making a good impression on her companion. And as the evening progressed Therese, helped by the effects of a second bottle of wine, became more and more aware of the signs that Rachel indeed wanted to prolong their encounter after they would leave the restaurant.

She did not oppose when Rachel at first tentatively touched her arm and soon after that took her hand, caressing it with her fingers. Their knees inevitably had touched several times in the confines of the snug booth where they were seated, but after some time Therese also felt a foot touching her ankle, then slide up her calf. Amused, she noticed how the girl discreetly kept refilling her glass. 

The entire evening Therese had the strange sensation of watching herself from a distance, as if she was seated at the table next to the two attractive young women, observing how the seemingly nervous red haired girl was trying to entice the other; a slightly older, brooding brunette, who seemed to remain indifferent to her attention. And surely, after they had finished their meal and her companion had insisted on paying the bill, Therese found herself outside the restaurant, facing a now clearly flustered Rachel. She remained passive, waiting for the girl to make her next move. Rachel shifted her backpack, then stepped closer. Her eyes searched Therese’s.

“Shall I walk you to the subway or do you want to …”

Suddenly, Therese felt Rachel’s lips on her own. Her kiss was compelling and at first Therese answered by opening her lips to allow Rachel to enter her mouth with her tongue. Rachel wrapped her arms around her, pulling her close. But pressed against the slender body of the taller woman, Therese abruptly was reminded of that other body that only a week ago she had held in her arms, overwhelmed by an unfamiliar tenderness and longing to simply give herself away. What was she doing?

Panting, Therese pushed Rachel away.

“Oh God, I’m sorry…”

Rachel grabbed her arm, unwilling to let her go.

“Come on Therese, you gave me the impression that you wanted this too…”

Trembling, Therese put her hand on Rachel’s chest forcing her to step back. 

“No, no … I don’t want this. Not any more …” she added, more speaking to herself than to the indignant woman in front of her. 

Therese made herself look into Rachel’s eyes that were filled with anger.

“I’m sorry that I gave you the wrong impression, but … I’m actually seeing someone.”

Therese lifted her chin, as if to make certain her words would have the right impact on Rachel, who was still standing far too close. But Rachel raised her eyebrows and exaggeratedly scanned their surroundings.

“I don’t see anyone.”

Therese felt a sharp fury replace her earlier passivity.

“She lives in Salt Lake City.”

Rachel whistled, a mocking sound.

“Well, that’s convenient.”

“Don’t you dare to judge me!”

They were standing face to face now, both agitated, the air between them filled with anger. Rachel was the first to speak.

“Oh, fuck you Therese …”

Then she turned abruptly and walked away. 

Still trembling, Therese watched how Rachel disappeared into the crowd that even at this late hour filled the sidewalk. She shrugged, as if to free herself of the emotional burden that had accumulated on her shoulders these past few days. She was a fool, not to see what was right in front of her: Carol, who was willing to listen to her, to put up with her fears and uncertainties, to even love her after that. 

Therese reached for her phone, then hesitated. She had drunk too much to be coherent. And she wanted to be coherent, to be as clear as possible, as lucid as she had never been before. She checked the time. The two hour time difference made it plausible that Carol would still be up and able to read a text message. She opened the right screen, then started typing.

“I need you. I want to see you.”

The message was received, then read. Carol’s answer came immediately.

“Come now.”


	31. Utah

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have left you waiting for far too long, dear readers. Please accept this new chapter as an early Christmas gift. Happy holidays!

“Hello stranger …”

Smiling her slow smile, Carol removed her dark sunglasses to fix her crystal blue gaze on a surprisingly shy and blushing Therese. Nonchalantly leaning against her blue Volvo, dressed in loose fitting jeans, hiking boots and a simple white t-shirt, she seemed relaxed in a way Therese had not seen her before. 

Therese slowly lowered the duffel bag and backpack she had hastily stuffed with some clothes, her laptop and the small camera she used when not on an assignment. She tentatively spread her arms.

“Well, here I am…”

Carol’s long legs only needed two strides to reach her young lover. Enveloping her in her arms, she closed her eyes, taking in Therese’s perfume that instantly took her back to the last night they had spent together in the New York apartment. 

“God, I’ve missed you …”. 

Hiding her face against Carol’s shoulder, Therese felt the tension that had kept her in its grip for so long slowly dissipate. She felt safe now. 

“I’ve missed you too.”

Forgetting their surroundings, they didn’t notice that they were virtually blocking the exit of the terminal, annoying other passengers trying to bypass them. 

“Hey ladies, could you please move over a bit?”

A male voice crudely entered the intimate space they had created with each other. Immediately, Carol let go of Therese to glare at ae man standing in front of them who, to her great surprise, sported a big, instantly disarming smile. She hesitated.

“I’m sorry, we’re …”

The man, a handsome, elegantly dressed African-American, raised his hands.

“Please, don’t apologize. You actually made my day, girls …”

He winked, then hastily turned, hailing one of the taxi’s driving by. 

Watching him enter the cab, Carol and Therese both laughed.

“Gay …”, Carol murmured.

“Definitely … gay …”, Therese answered, chuckling.

Taking Therese’s hand, Carol experienced an exhilarating sense of lightness. Kissing another woman in public, openly being acknowledged and acknowledging another person as gay… Her new life would undoubtedly take some getting used to, but she knew that being open about her sexuality would always be a fundamental part of it. 

Therese deposited her luggage in the trunk of the blue Volvo and took the seat next to Carol, who had already started the car. She closed her eyes, taking in the comforting smell of the leather interior of the car, savouring its familiar warmth. 

“Mmm, it’s good to be here.” 

Checking her rear-view mirror, Carol smoothly manoeuvred the car into the right lane. 

“I must admit that you surprised me with your sudden message, last night …”

Therese opened her eyes only to be met by Carol’s questioning gaze. After Carol’s “Come now” she had returned to her apartment to check on her laptop if she could find a flight that would take her to Salt Lake City the next day. Without hesitation, she had made a booking when she managed to secure a ticket on an early flight. She sent a text to Carol with the flight details. After that she had packed her bag and sent an e-mail to Fred Wilson that she would not be at the Times the next few days. She had done a lot of overtime lately and she was confident that Fred would not have any objections. And after that, sleep being an impossibility, there was nothing else to do than wait until it was time to leave.

“I must admit that I surprised myself with my sudden message, last night…”

Therese’s hand briefly touched Carol’s knee.

“Don’t you know that I simply can’t resist you …”

Carol’s warm laugh filled the snug space.

“Don’t mock me, miss Belivet!”

Therese shrugged.

“Well, if you don’t believe me …”

Carol smiled, a loving smile that deeply touched Therese. Carol reached for the younger woman’s hand. 

“We’ll talk later.”

Holding on to her lover’s hand, Therese noticed they were not on the route that would lead them to the house in the Foothill District. Scanning her unfamiliar surroundings she asked:

“Where are you taking me?”

“That’s a surprise, but I hope you have a pair of sturdy shoes with you.”

“My running shoes are in my backpack.”

While packing, she had assumed that once she was back in Salt Lake City, there would certainly be another game of soccer with Rindy. This time she didn’t want to ruin a good pair of shoes.

Carol nodded appreciatively.

“ Perfect.”

They were silent for a while and soon Therese, tired after a restless night, fell into a dreamless sleep.   
___________________________________________________ 

It was only after she had parked the Volvo, that Carol turned to Therese to softly touch her shoulder.

“Wake up, sleepyhead.”

Startled, Therese opened her eyes, immediately blinking against the bright sunlight that came in through the windshield. 

“Where are we?”

“Salina. It’s time we have something to eat.”

They were parked on Main Street in front of a small diner. Carol opened her door.

“Mom’s Café has the best food in the area. You’ll like it.”

Therese stepped out of the car to join her and together they walked to the diner that, it being just after lunch hour, was nearly empty. Looking around, Therese felt like she had walked into a scene from a nineteen sixties movie. The dining room contained a long counter with metal stools and a number of green topped, wooden tables and chairs. Against the back wall, that was covered with historical photos of Salina, some men were seated at tables flanked by leather benches in the same green as the table tops. In the background, she heard the drawl of a country and western song. Astounded, she turned to Carol.

“My God, does this really still exist … “ 

Grinning, Carol took her arm, leading her to one of the tables.

“Welcome to my world, sweetheart.”

An elderly waitress, dressed in a yellow, starched apron, appeared the moment they were seated. Beaming, she turned to Carol.

“O my, Miss Carol, how good to see you!”

Therese rolled her eyes at the “Miss Carol” coming from a starched waitress straight from “Happy Days”. This was getting funnier every second.

“It’s good to see you too, Eileen. How’s your back?”

Moaning, Eileen took the vacant seat next to Carol. Meanwhile, using a wet cloth, she cleaned the green table top.

“Killing me, as usual...”

Carol patted the woman’s hand.

“Why don’t you retire? Joe wouldn’t mind, would he?”

Eileen picked up two menu’s, handing them to the two women.

“He sure wouldn’t mind, but I’m not going to listen to him droning about his fishing all day.”

Carol’s laughter made Therese smile. 

“Well, I wouldn’t mind having you around me all day.”

Carol winked at Eileen, who shook her head. 

“Oh, you would, wouldn’t you, Miss Carol?”

She stood up from her chair with difficulty.

“The usual, I presume?”

It was only then that she acknowledged Therese’s presence. 

“And you, young lady, what will you have?”

Eileen’s piercing look made her stutter. 

“The… the same, please.”

Taking back their menus, Eileen left for the kitchen that was situated behind the counter. 

Still smiling Carol reached for the jug of water that had already been on their table, filling two glasses. 

“Miss Carol?” 

Therese took the glass Carol was handing to her and with her index finger softly stroked her hand. 

“Eileen has worked here for as long as I can remember. I already came here with my parents when I was a little girl.”

Carol took a sip from her water.

“Eileen’s family.”

They were quiet for a moment. Then Carol put down her glass and over the table top reached for Therese’s left hand. 

“Therese, why are you here?”

Carol’s voice was soft, full of uncertainty. Therese felt the blood drain from her face. Of course Carol would question her about her unexpected text, her suddenly showing up here in Utah, when their goodbye, only a week ago, had made her doubt if Therese still wanted to be in a relationship with her. Therese looked at their hands, firmly intertwined. She shrugged, then swallowed. Her voice was hoarse when she started to talk.

“There was this girl … she wanted me …”

She sighed.

“I kissed her …”

Therese hesitated, then looked at Carol, seeing her jaws tense. Her eyes sought the clear blue. There was no way back now.

“But then I realized that I only wanted you.”


	32. The cabin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dear readers, Happy New Year! May all your dreams come true.

“Prove it.”

They were inside the miniscule hall of the cabin. Her back against the wall of the small, closet like space, Carol roughly reached for Therese, making her stand in front of her. Searching the crystal blue gaze, Therese saw a searing anger in Carol’s eyes, turning them into a darker shade. Feigning innocence, Therese raised her eyebrows.

“Prove what?”

Carol tightened her grip of the frail young woman, bringing her mouth close to her left ear. Her voice was hoarse.

“Prove that you only want me …”

Carol’s tangible jealousy sent a strong rush of adrenalin through Therese’s body. This was a side of her lover she did not yet know, but instantly excited her. She brought her hands up to Carol’s face, grabbed the blond hair and forced Carol’s head backwards. Looking into Carol’s eyes she smiled, a taunting smile.

“So, what do you want me to do, Mrs. Aird.”

Her eyes not leaving Therese’s, Carol moved her hands to the waistband of the younger woman’s jeans. 

“Now that, Miss Belivet, is up to you to find out.”

With a groan, Therese pulled Carol’s head towards her. Her kiss was aggressive, full of want. At first Carol did not react, but soon she capitulated, giving in to the powerful yearning that had seized her the moment Therese had admitted she had kissed another woman. Never before had her need for her lover collided with this fiery anger. It was an explosive mix, that set her on fire. Yes, she would fight Therese, but devour her at the same time.  
__________________

“I kissed her …”

Carol tensed, feeling Therese hesitate even before she could see it.

“But then I realized that I only want you.” 

The revelation shocked Carol to the core. Looking into Therese’s eyes, she saw remorse and a plea for … for what? She fought the urge to pull back her hand that had been enfolded by Therese’s, knowing this would upset the young woman. She shrugged, then whispered,

“What can I say …?”

“I love you, Carol.”

Therese’s voice quivered and Carol saw how tears filled her eyes.

“Two usuals for the ladies!”

Eileen’s cheery voice startled them both. Their intense conversation had made them oblivious of their surroundings. Unaware of the tension between her two customers, the beaming waitress put two well-filled plates of fish & chips on the table. Carol managed a smile to thank her.

“This looks great, Eileen.”

Eileen patted her shoulder, then noticed a new customer entering the diner. 

“Enjoy.”

In silence they watched Eileen walk up to the new customer, a man in denim sporting a large cowboy hat. Carol took up her cutlery that was folded in a green napkin. 

“Let’s eat.”

Therese followed Carol’s gestures. Without saying a word they instinctively agreed not to continue their emotional conversation, knowing that the diner did not offer the privacy and safety to master this new development in their relationship. They ate in silence. Unable to digest much, Therese somehow managed to finish half of her plate before excusing herself to go to the bathroom, giving Carol time to settle the bill and say goodbye to Eileen. 

Carol waited for her at the car, her face unreadable, her eyes hidden behind her sunglasses. 

“Ready?”

Therese nodded, then opened the door of her side of the Volvo. 

It took them two more hours to reach the small cabin that Carol had inherited from her parents. Set back in the woods, it could only be reached by a winding dirt road that had made the old car creak. Not wanting the continuing silence between them become oppressive, Carol had talked about her parents and the worriless holidays she had spent with them near Salina. Grateful, Therese had listened, sometimes putting in a question or two. Slowly, the tension between them had subsided, although they both remained acutely aware of the turmoil in their head. 

At last the dense wood made way for a clearing. The cabin was old, but well looked after. Bathing in the golden late afternoon sun, it leisurely beckoned the two now reluctant women. Carol switched off the car, then sat motionless for a few moments before opening her door. Without looking at Therese, she waved her hand to the cottage.  
“Let me show you around.”  
________________

Therese woke up to the sound of rain ticking on the wooden roof of the cabin. While her eyes adjusted to the darkness around her, she became aware of the arm that was firmly twisted around her waist. Turning carefully, she came face to face with Carol. She was still asleep. Therese moved her hand to stroke the fine lines around Carol’s eyes. For the first time she noticed some grey hairs hiding in the blond curls. She smiled: they only added to Carol’s beauty. She turned again to lie on her back, revelling in the tenderness that filled her, a tenderness so contrary to the desperate, almost aggressive need that had consumed her earlier. 

Feeling somewhat uncomfortable, she acknowledged that she had been rough with Carol, turned on by her lover’s equally challenging reaction to her own taunting question what is was that Carol wanted from her. Their wild kiss in the hall had left them both breathless and Carol had pushed an uncooperative Therese to the small living room, where, both unwilling to capitulate, they somehow ended up wrestling for the upper hand on the rug in front of the stone fireplace. Eventually, surprising herself, Therese had managed to roll Carol over on to her stomach. Straddling her legs, she had pressed her upper body against Carol’s back, her left hand covering Carol’s mouth. With her right hand she reached under Carol’s body, finding the buttons that closed her jeans. Panting, she managed to unbutton them, sliding her hand into Carol’s briefs. Suddenly she hesitated. 

“My God, Carol …”

Moaning, Carol pressed her back into Therese’s body lying on top of her, while Therese’s fingers slowly entered her, savouring the wetness that enveloped them. They moved in unison, until Carol, her teeth digging into Therese’s hand, reached her climax. Afterwards, Therese had tenderly turned Carol around, wrapping her arms around her, kissing her face, still covered with sweat and tears. They had lain like that until it got too cold and they had fled to the comfort of the big, warm duvet on the bed in the master bedroom. Still holding each other’s now naked bodies, they soon fell asleep. 

Therese shifted, careful not to wake Carol. What had happened between them this afternoon astounded her. She had been assertive before with Carol, the day they had finally been together again after their four week separation. But today was different. They had literally fought for dominance and she had forced herself on Carol, who had let her …  
With a shock Therese realized what Carol had done. She had blindly given her her trust. When she was at her most vulnerable, lying underneath her, Carol had trusted Therese with her body, certain that she would not harm her. And she had been right. Therese closed her eyes, only now fully understanding Carol’s offering. And then she knew that there was only one possible answer to Carol’s silent question: for the first time in her life she would give her trust to somebody… unconditionally.


	33. Foothill District

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while. It's been a long while... I was in the middle of campagning and elections. Yes, I'm in politics. But I'm pleased that at last I can offer you a new chapter. This one is for all those kind and loyal readers that didn't give up on me.

Locking the doors of his Lexus that he had hastily parked in front of the double garage, Harge could hear the excited voice of Rindy. He smiled. She was probably in the middle of a game of soccer with some of her friends on the lawn at the back. Instead of going into the house to get his forgotten laptop, he decided to make a detour to the rear garden to watch the girls for a moment. Nearing the end of the path that brought him to the back of the house, he suddenly stopped dead in his tracks, holding his breath. 

Rindy was there, all right, but playing with her, their shouting as excited as Rindy’s, were Carol and Therese. It was clear that there was a fierce skirmish going on. Carol was trying to keep a makeshift goal made out of sweaters clean, while Rindy and Therese battled for the ball. Surprised, Harge noticed that Carol’s white shirt was covered in grass stains, while her always immaculate hair was a mess. She was totally immersed in the game, shouting at the two struggling girls.

“Oh come on Therese, you can do better than that!”

Therese half missed the ball that in a strange curve flew through the air, aiming straight at Harge. 

“Ouch!”

The ball hit Harge right in the face, before he could use his hands to catch it.

Only then did the three players notice they had an audience. 

“Daddy!”

Rindy immediately ran up to him, Therese and Carol following her at a slower pace.

“Did Therese hurt you Daddy?”

With a worried look Rindy scanned her father’s face. Harge tried to smile, bringing his hand to his right cheek that was turning red.

“It’s okay, sweetheart.” 

Picking up the ball lying at Harge’s feet, Therese, blushing, tried to apologize. 

“Sorry for that …”

With narrowed eyes, Harge merely looked at her, not reacting. It was the first time that they were face to face after Therese had visited him at his office to present the photographs she had been shooting. Sensing the growing tension, Carol gently touched Harge’s arm.

“Come, let me get you some ice to cool that.”

Surprised, he looked at her hand on his left arm. He realized she was trying to calm him, understanding his anxiety at seeing her together like this with both Rindy and Therese. Her gesture had an unexpected soothing effect, taking away some of the hurt he felt. He tentatively put his right hand on hers, as if to reassure her that he would not lash out to her or Therese.

“Don’t worry, I’ll be fine.”

In the silence that followed Rindy looked intently at her parents, seeing them standing close, their hands touching. Ever since her mother had returned from New York, they had been testy when they were together, easily irritated, always ready to snap. But this was different. She smiled, sensing that some of the old togetherness she felt there still was between her parents for now had returned. She looked at Therese, who silently watched the scene in front of her. Then Rindy pulled on the sleeve of her father’s shirt.

“Daddy, why don’t you help Mummy? She’s already behind with five to zero!”

Harge looked down at his daughter, her pleading eyes and turned to Carol, his face a big question mark. She nodded enthusiastically, seeking his eyes.

“I could sure do with some help… These two bullies are tearing me to pieces …”

He contemplated his light blue dress shirt and formal black shoes, remembered his PA who waited for him at his office. Then he grinned.

“Oh, what the heck!”

Harge grabbed the ball that was still in Therese’s hands and sprinted to the green, a cheering Rindy right behind him. 

“Therese and I will beat you too, Daddy!”

What ensued was a happy mess with Carol and Harge bravely teaming up to try to frustrate the overwhelming enthusiasm of Rindy and Therese, both clearly much better players. Though they even managed to score one goal, it was a hopeless task. At a score of ten to one Harge found himself face to face with his Therese, the ball at her left foot, ready to score once again.

“Get her Harge!”, Carol yelled. Panting, she was running after Therese who had easily outplayed her with a few swift moves. But before he could move he felt the ground disappear beneath his feet. With the ease of a professional Rindy managed to block him, her head hitting his chest and he felt himself falling backwards, his daughter right on top of him. 

The soft grass felt cool to his heated skin, making his fall less painful. But it wasn’t pain he experienced right now, lying there, his arms tight around the little girl he loved so much. For the first time in months he felt happy, carefree even, not burdened by fear. Somehow he felt part of this little, joyous group. And blinking against the bright sun he briefly allowed himself to think about the possibility of another life, with Rindy, but also with Carol and even Therese.

While he remained lying on the grass, a now tired and contented Rindy still clinging to his chest, Carol and Therese went inside to fetch some cold drinks. Standing in front of the open fridge, Therese turned to Carol.

“That was fun …”

Carol smiled, a loving smile.

“Whatever you may think, Therese, he’s a kind man.”

“I can see that…I already knew.”

Taking out a large bottle of mineral water, Therese closed the door of the fridge.

“You need to talk, you and Harge.”

Carol sighed.

“I know. We will.”

Therese brought her free hand to Carol’s face, caressing her cheek. Carol grabbed her hand, bringing it to her mouth and kissed it.

“I think now is the right time.”

Therese spoke softly, as if to force Carol to really listen to her. 

“Rindy needs both of you in her life, but you both need each other as well.” 

Carol looked up into the bright green eyes of the young woman she now loved so much. 

“You’ll find a way. Trust me.” 

Carol closed her eyes, then nodded.

“I do.”


	34. New York, six months later

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know you probably thought I had given up on this story ... Not at all. But elections, a vacation and a mild writer's block made it very difficult for me to write. Perhaps you need to reread some of the previous chapters, but I hope you will enjoy this new one.

The lecture hall was almost empty now, except for a small group of students that were loudly discussing where they would go for a drink. Genevieve Cantrell smiled, remembering her own time as a student here.

She hadn’t been in New York for a long time. She had consciously avoided going to the city, following the day she had moved her last possessions out of the small Brooklyn apartment she had shared with Therese for so many years. It had also meant not seeing most of her friends for a prolonged period, but she had accepted this as an unavoidable consequence of the break-up with Therese. Now, almost a year later, the wound that was left by the dismantling of their relationship still had not healed completely. However, she was back now, if only for a short time to deliver a lecture on domestic violence at the Columbia Center for Gender and Sexuality Law. 

She was putting her notes and laptop into her shoulder bag, when she saw the blond woman who during her lecture had occupied one of the seats in the back row, approaching her. If her hiding in the back had been deliberate, it had been a poor attempt, because the woman had stood out in the small audience that had gathered for the lecture. Not only was she clearly older than most of the students, she was also exceptionally beautiful. 

“Excuse me…”

“Yes, …”

Not smiling, Genevieve turned her gaze from her bag to meet the crystal blue eyes of the tall woman now standing in front of her.

“Ms. Cantrell, I want to complement you on …”

“Don’t bother, Carol, I know who you are.”

Genevieve had recognized her right away. After Therese’s admission she had fallen in love with Carol Ross Aird, she had reluctantly searched the Internet, soon discovering that pictures of Therese’s alluring lover could be easily found. Not in the mood to be civilised to the woman who so clearly was part of the reasons why Therese had ended their relationship, she silently gloated when she saw Carol’s bewilderment. It amused her to see this very poised woman search for words. 

“Genevieve, I …”

Not knowing how to proceed, Carol’s hesitant gaze found the soft brown eyes of the petite, red haired woman standing in front of her. Genevieve’s face showed no emotions, but her eyes betrayed her. Carol saw anger there, mixed with grief.

“What do you want from me, Carol?”

Crossing her arms, Genevieve seemed to shield her body against Carol, who involuntarily towered above her. Carol raked her hand through her blonde curls, breathing deeply.

“It’s Therese, she … she needs you.”

_________________________________

 

After Therese’s sudden appearance in Salt Lake City and her admission that, despite her earlier fears, she was ready to enter into a relationship with Carol, their lives had changed with dizzying speed. Carol had started the divorce proceedings, when to her great surprise Harge, who until then had been very non-cooperative, reluctantly promised to take a separation into consideration. It would undoubtedly take time before a definitive settlement could be reached, but there was movement now, which added to her growing feeling of change being possible.

“What makes you change your mind?”

They were standing next to each other, leaning against the fence around the school soccer field, watching a match of Rindy and her team. The girls were enjoying a well-deserved break, giving Carol room for a carefully conducted conversation with her husband, who most of the time was trying to evade her. 

Harge kept his gaze fixed on the field, then sighed.

“I don’t know. I guess because we can’t go on like this much longer.”

Knowing that it would be better not to press him, Carol waited for him to continue. He shook his head.

“It’s not good for Rindy, this… ”

Tentatively, Carol touched his arm, feeling his muscles tighten. Frowning, he turned his dark eyes towards her. 

“I feel like we’re in some kind of no-man’s-land, Carol, waiting, until one of us starts to move. We don’t even talk to each other... And I can see that Rindy feels that there is something wrong, can see that she’s troubled by it, even worries if it’s her fault …”

Although she was well aware of how much Harge loved his daughter, Carol was genuinely affected by his words and the way he was prepared to place Rindy’s interests above his own.

“I know,” she murmured. To her great dismay, she had also noticed that Rindy had become unnaturally quiet lately, more and more retreating into herself.

“So it’s important to make things clear for her and for ourselves, to make her feel good again.”

He sighed.

“And if that means a separation, then go ahead and start with the proceedings.”

Carol saw how his eyes filled with tears. And inadvertently her heart went out to him, to Rindy and to their close knit family, that would soon be dismantled. But she also felt that a separation was exactly what was needed. For her, so she would no longer have to live against her grain. And for Rindy, to make her feel happy again. She tightened her grip on Harge’s arm, then let go.

“Thank you.”

After this conversation and strengthened by their joint concerns about their daughter, some of their old closeness returned. Together, they talked with Rindy, sharing with her how things between them were changing and that this would mean that in the near future they would no longer be living together. Rindy had listened intently, especially when Carol made it clear that what was happening was not Rindy’s fault.

“We love you, sweetheart and we will never hurt you.”

Harge and Carol also made it clear that Rindy would have a great say in how the new living arrangements would be after the divorce became final. For now, she would stay with Harge in the house in the Foothill District: the school year was far from over yet and there were still many soccer matches to play. 

After that, Carol had decided to go to New York and to stay there for a prolonged period. Abby generously lent her the Gerhardt apartment again: both Carol and Therese knew that living together was not yet an option and that they both needed their own space. 

Financially, Carol did not need a job to be independent. But she knew she wanted to work and after several talks with Abby about her work at the women’s shelter and with Helen, an old friend from Stanford who was now a lecturer at the Columbia Centre for Gender and Sexuality Law, she decided to leave her corporate law practice to switch to family law. This meant going back to university and, helped by her former track record, she enrolled at Columbia Law School. It was Therese’s support and obvious joy about her coming to New York, that made Carol’s sadness about leaving Rindy behind in Salt Lake City bearable. 

________________________________________________

There were several answers that Genevieve had expected, but not this one.

“What …?”

Her face showed surprise, disbelief even. 

“I worry about Therese …” Carol sighed and closed her eyes.

“And I know this will sound ludicrous, but I’m asking you to help me.” 

Astounded, Genevieve remained silent. Flustered and feeling ill at ease in the now empty lecture hall, Carol pleaded:

“Look, will you have a coffee with me? I really need to talk to you.”

To her great relief Genevieve nodded and after she had closed her bag, followed her to the little coffee shop outside the lecture hall. After Carol had bought two double espresso’s at the counter, she joined the read haired woman, who had chosen a small table in a corner of the almost abandoned café. 

For a while, both women remained silent. Cup in hand, Genevieve looked straight into Carol’s ice-blue eyes. Unblinking, Carol returned her gaze. Buying the coffee had given her the opportunity to regain some of her confidence and if this was going to be a contest, she was not willing to give in too easily to this intense young woman. 

Approaching Genevieve had certainly not been Carol’s intention. When she received an invitation of the Centre to attend a lecture on domestic violence by Dr. G. Cantrell, she knew couldn’t stay away. She wanted to see the woman who had been Therese’s companion for so many years. But it was only after the lecture, that she realized that this was perhaps her only chance to speak to the person who probably knew Therese better than anyone, including herself. 

Still staring into Genevieve’s brown eyes, Carol realized that she had initiated this conversation. She coughed.

“I really appreciate this, Genevieve…”

Genevieve raised her eyebrows, waiting for Carol’s next words. Carol put her cup down, then folded her lightly shaking hands around it. 

“Therese and I … you, you know about us, of course …”

“Yes …”

“Well, she … She has an opening soon, but this time in a prestigious gallery. She …”

“You want me to be there?”, Genevieve interjected.

Her gaze was still unreadable. Carol hesitated.

“Well, yes … But there’s more …”

Genevieve sighed.

“Look Carol, you have to be more specific.”

Carol’s eyes fixed on her hands, that were still gripping her cup.

“It’s a great opportunity for her, this show. But it seems she doesn’t care. She doesn’t want to talk about it, will not make the definitive selection from her photo’s, she’s more distant than ever…”

Genevieve glanced at the tense woman sitting in front of her. And despite everything she suddenly felt touched by Carol’s concerns, her obvious grief. She shrugged. 

“It’s a pattern … This gallery clearly believes in Therese’s talent, something she cannot or will not accept, so she tries to convince them she’s not worth their effort. You surely must recognize that … It’s at moments like this that she loses her self-confidence and completely turns into herself. It’s a way to protect herself against disappointments, even though these only exist in her own head.“

Carol frowned, remembering the way Therese unexpectedly had pushed her away after their passionate first night together in New York. 

“I think you may be right … it seems that whenever you come close, she backs away. Even now, when we’ve been together for almost a year…”

Feeling a jealous pang in her stomach after Carol’s last words, Genevieve tried not to show her emotions. 

“I don’t know if she will ever change … the only thing you can do is to keep supporting her, stay with her… although in the end that didn’t bring me any luck…”

Involuntarily, Carol placed her hand on Genevieve’s arm.

“I’m so sorry…”

Genevieve looked at the elegant, pale hand touching the sleeve of her dark blue jacket. She smiled wryly, then pushed her chair backwards. 

“I really have to go.”

Already standing, she reached into her bag and took out a small business card.

“Just mail me the time and place for the opening. I’ll see what I can do.”

Before Carol could thank her, she turned and left the coffee shop.


End file.
